I wish Sam's Choice Mountain Trail Mix had more M&M's in it. This is good stuff.

Matt took the comments off his blog. This frustrates me. It's a blog dictatorship. He wants to tell us what he thinks but gives us no forum to respond and formulate our own thoughts. I guess I'm going to have to start a whole new section on my blog called, "My thoughts on Matt's thoughts." And that, of course, is just because his blogs are so thought provoking. Today he talked about songs that took him back to simpler times. I was thinking about the same thing this morning on my way to work. So I'm compiling a list, and this is what I have so far:

Any old school Allyah song
No Place that Far- Sara Evans & Vince Gill (I wanna cry just thinking about it.)
Amarillo by Morning- George Strait
Fool Hearted Memory- George Strait
Finish What We've Started- Diamond Rio
Wild Blue Yonder- Diamond Rio
Hot Stepper- Inikamozi
Anything off the Metallica Black album
Wanna Be a Baller- Lil Troy (I can actually taste the vodka in my mouth right now.)
Thunderkiss 65- White Zombie
Hells Bells- ACDC

There are way more, I'm just tryin to pull them off the top of my head. My lists tend to be pretty varied including several musical genres, but I guess that just means I'm really well-rounded :)

We got new handy dandy, fancy schmancy cordless phones in the office now. Shawna, Kerry, and I each have one. And we finally have caller ID. So periodically throughout the day, you'll hear someone yell, "Don't answer that!" It's so nice to be able to blow off people you just don't wanna talk to during the day :)

The rest of this week should be smooth sailing for me. Got basically nothing to do tomorrow except fart around at work from 1-4:30ish and go to Poetry class tomorrow night. Friday I'll test for the DHS job and go to school. Saturday morning I'm working the Redbud Classic from 8-11 a.m., then I plan on sleeping the afternoon away.

So yay me! Yay springtime! Yay caller ID!

[haha... heard someone say in response to a client who is staying on a friend's couch:]

That girl's couch probably straight up smells like butt and corn chips.

More Random, Unrelated Thoughts

I kinda like driving the OKVGPB. It makes me feel like I wanna run over stuff.
So get outta my way!!

I love my parents. We have the usual tiffs just like everybody else but all in all they're great people. I know I've told the story before of how dad used to wake me up for school at 6:15 in the morning by leaning over and whispering in my ear, "Ashly, Washington called. They've cancelled the day." I'd laugh, and then I'd get out of bed thinking, God I wish that could really happen. Today I called him to tell him about my new job possibility with the state. He said, "If the governor has any questions, have him call me." And I laughed and said, "Will do," and then hung up the phone.

I'm freaking obsessed with my cat. I don't care. I love him. And you should too. It's Tucker's world, we just live in it.

I skipped class tonight because I think the Chinese food I ate at lunch today didn't like me too much. But I feel better now. Pepcid AC cures everything. It's just like rubbing a little beer on it.

Bought a bottle of 99 Riesling tonight just because it was a good day. Maybe I'll sit here and get tipsy and laugh at myself. And blog, of course.

Check out my Musings & Ruminations for an interesting conversation I had with my ovaries tonight. Gotta love that.

Aaaahhh. Look at my little kitty curled up asleep on my pillow with his little paw over his nose. He's momma's little sugar pants. And I'm going to go kiss him now :)

[The following was added after 2 glasses of excellent and very tasty wine:]

Ok, so Carrie and I are having a conversation about Jem and the Holograms. You know what I wanna do. I wanna put on that song that's real big by The Darkness right now and dance around the living room and act like I know the words. See, then it would be like I actually embodied Jem. She was such a rock star. I don't think I was really allowed to watch her because rock stars are evil. Anyway, thats' beside the point. I still think She-Ra, Princess of Power coulda kicked most everybody's ass. I know He-man's cartoon outlived hers, but it was just because he was a muscled up dude on a power trip who couldn't handle She-ra's kick assed-ness.

Damn. Carrie's made me hungry for a Chili's cheeseburger. You can't eat a cheeseburger at 9:30 p.m.!!!!! Unless.... you're planning on staying up til about 2 a.m. Nope, I'm not. Maybe tomorrow. Class is cancelled Thursday! WOOO HOOO!

HAHA!

Kerry just said I have the perfect voice to be a phone sex operator.

Do they make good money?

Random, Unrelated Driving to Work Thoughts

Chinese food today, I think.

DHS accepted my application and resume for the Child Welfare Specialist job and now they want me to go test for it. God, I need more money. I hope I get this.

I never thought I'd be one of those girls who said, "I'd rather hang out with guys than girls any day." And yet, here I am. I had forgotten what a pain girls can be sometimes. I think it's because, I, like Jerry McGuire, have lost the ability to bullshit. The close gf's I have in my life are there because it doesn't scare them that I'm not caught up in who said what and who thinks what about whatever. And that I do my own thing because I want to. Not because I'm supposed to or someone else expects me to. And that is why I love like the 2 1/2 gf's I have :) And that's why we'll always be BFF's.

I'm trying to figure out when Elizabeth and Mark started dating. They're my friends from school. I think it might have all started last semester in our night class. Elizabeth was supposed to be marrying a preacher boy and moving back to Missouri. Then one day she up and walked into class minus one engagement right. Now she's dropped about 15 pounds (she was tiny to begin with), she's dark as an injun, hair highlighted and sporting her ultra low waist jeans with pointy-toed shoes. I'm guessing the transformation is due to her involvement with Mr. Ivy League Prep School, BMW SUV driving boy, Mark. Love Mark. He's awesome. But I do think the change is interesting :)

Today is a good day. We'll see what's to come.

So we took a stress test last night in class. You got points for things that happened to you in the last year.

0-159 Good Job! You are relatively stress free and you do a great job staying that way!

160-299 Medium stress level with a significant risk of stress-related illness.

300-359 High stress level with high susceptibility to stress-related illness.

Ashly scored a smooth 299. I had no idea. I guess I handle it well, and I'm sure the alcohol helps.

Totally Spent

Had a bad dream about one of my favorite people for the last 2 nights in a row. Came to work this morning and about beat up one of my clients. Then had an emotional conversation that brought back the demons of my upbringing. Now I'm going to Counseling and Psychotherapy class with a professor who is a total Type A personality, pseudo-asshole.

I can't wait to get in bed tonight.

Whistle while you work...

Newsletters, crazy clients that make me want to say a bad word that starts with F, homework, depressing country songs, psycho ex bf's who wanna just drop by...

Now I remember why I drink so much.

Spring F-ing Fever

Whitney asked me what was up with all the F bombs lately. So I thought I'd cut back. :)

This weekend is one big alcoholic fuzzy haze at this point. Man. I've never partied on this consistent a basis in my life. But you know what? If I'm ever gonna do it, it should be right now. What do I have to lose? A husband? Kids? A high paying job? Uh, no. In a month I will graduate from college as a member of the National Deans List and about a zillion other geeky little honor things. Why shouldn't I get shitcanned right now? I can't think of one good reason why not. So I guess I'll just carry on until more responsibility presents itself. And I'm sure it will. It usually does.

Anyway, I DID do something productive this weekend that was not crown and coke related... I sold my car. Yay! I don't really know why, I guess I just kinda got in the mood for something else. Plus it still had a dealer tag and insurance on it, so I figure if I'm gonna shell out the big bucks for all that stuff, I want my own car... not one of dad's dealer cars.

So, I'm pimping the Oklahoma Vintage Guitar Party Barge. (Best Price Guitar used to be OKVG.) It's a 1996 Suburban made of 100% pure steel with huge Oklahoma Vintage Guitar decals on the back windows. He stores tools and oil and all kinds of things under the hood. Yep, under the hood. It's huge. You could drive that thing through enemy fire and come out unscathed. Dad bought it when I was a junior in high school and has always kept it around just in case, even though he's had 3 new cars since then. The navy blue leather seats are cracked and worn and the carpet is dirty and worn out from the five trillion moves each person in our family has made since 1996. Dad moved me into a dorm and about 3 houses, Dani into a dorm, mom into a house, and himself into two or three apartments. So the OKVGPB has seen it all. He used to let me and, well, a certain ex boyfriend, take it on road trips. Oh if that truck could talk...

Anyway, it gets about 10 miles to the gallon. So hopefully I won't be driving it long. BUT, it's got a CD player! YAY! Those of you who cruised in the Toyota with me know that my system got jacked a few months ago. And that crappy little replacement radio was just not cutting it. Dad's a believer in really LOUD music, so naturally the OKVGPB has a very nice system in it. He handed me the keys and said, Ok, you gotta pike pass if you need it. I thought Hell yeah! Road trip! If I had the money to pay for the $200 in gas it would take, I'd hit the road for College Station and pick up little sis, tell her to blow that miserable little popsicle stand that she calls a sorority and we'd head for the border. I need the ocean, some sand, and a frozen concoction in my hand.

I would never come back. Ever.

But I would find a computer and blog just so you all wouldn't be worried about me :)

Anywho, it's a beautiful day. Gotta get some homework done, then it's Sopranos. Maybe I'll try Deadwood again. We'll see.

The Night the Lights Went out in Stillwater

err... or Perkins... or somewhere in between. So I wasn't even going to go out Friday night. Plans were to have dinner with mom and go home and crash. Whoops. Tell that to my cat who didn't see me til 7:30 this morning.

I headed to the Elks Lodge in Stillwater around 8:15 p.m. and got there about 9. Matt, Ragan, Kevin, Red and Carrie had already begun the festivities hours earlier. So I got to the party late, but I caught up really quick. Those people don't mess around making their drinks. I had four glasses of crown with just a little shot of coke. Woo hoo! Red and I had an interesting discussion... it was rather heated I suppose. But from all the talk from Kevin and Ragan I was expecting the guy to get in my face and straight up tell me he was gonna kick my ass. Well, I guess he kinda did say that. I guess most girls wouldn't handle that really well, but fortunately I'm pretty damned experienced on calling boys on their testosterone induced bullshit. But he did let me make my point. And THAT I'm not used to. So that's why I like him more than other boys who just wanna fight and won't even let you say a word because they've got something to prove and they're scared you're gonna shut them down and show the world what a jackass they are.

Anyway after we were all really good and drunk we loaded up the SweetWebsite Van and headed to a bar called Lucky's. I'm not sure if it's really in Perkins or inbetween there and Stillwater. Either way, it was really reminiscent of every little college bar I've been to, complete with line dancing. The band's name was something that sounded like Red Neck Fucker, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that. But I couldn't understand what he said. But the lead guy was pretty good. I gotta give him that. About midnight, the power went out. It totally rocked ass. The band started playing some oldies like (picture me singing) "Hank why do you ya drink? To get drunk! And why do you roll smoke? To get stoned!..." and on and on. It was cool. Everybody was just hanging out in the dark... taking shots. Woo Hoo!

So we eventually had enough and left to go back to Carrie and Red's to hang out. We all stood around and talked for a while, then one by one the married girls headed to bed. Then the married boys, of course. Then me and Kevin on the couches in the living room. We had a conversation about parents and their expectations and about what Kevin's going to do with the rest of his life. He's talented in so many ways. But the most important thing about this guy is that he's smart. He thinks things through... most of the time :) And that's impressive to me.

Anyway, the party barge leaves again tonight at 7 p.m. for Stillwater Oklahoma. Whitney and I will be engaging in any and every kind of craziness that will present itself. That's what Stillwater's for.

Finally, The Sex is Back!

So, my self-imposed ban on sex talk is over. Phhheeww! It really wasn't that hard (haha), but ya know, it's just so much nicer throw in an overtly sexual reference every once in a while.

Anyway, I'm kinda in a funk today I think. I was fine this morning... Then I got to Western Village and all the mentors were getting together to take pictures. So we're all standing outside in 50 mph wind and the head lady gets up there and says, "Mr. Humfeldt just left the building (Baptist Integris) and he wants to be in the picture. So just talk amongst yourselves." Uh, sorry. I don't care if you're CEO or CFO or whatever, don't be rude and just expect a group of 50 adults to drop everything and wait on you just because you couldn't get your shit together on time. I said, "I'm out." When I drove off they were all still standing outside getting whipped around by the wind. Oh well.

Then a guy called about my car that's for sale in the paper. He started asking me all these questions like I'm a freakin mechanic or something... not just the regular questions, like normal info on the car. I was like, "Dude I haven't taken apart the engine and put it back together. If you wanna look at it you can." And then he got put out with me b/c I was talking on a cell phone. You called me dude!

Anyway, I feel better now. :) Modern American Poetry class got realllly interesting last night. We were discussing Sharon Olds. Chick is mega pro-describing orgasms and body parts. Very physical, not poetical, and very cool. There's a guy in my class and damned if I don't always wanna call him Hakkim. His name is Kareem, but I always forget that. Anyway, he said something about her poetry giving him a hard on. And that her poetry should make the girls wet. I was drinking a sprite and it damn near came out my nose. You just never know what you're getting into discussing poetry with some people. But we did have a really good discussion of how sex (and death) has been commodified in our society... how we've trained ourselves to respond to and imitate a prototype of what sex and what a sexual experience is supposed to be. VERY interesting stuff. I'll probably philosophize about it later :)

Hope everybody's day is going good :)

My little sister's away message says "I wanna go home." And she just called me, but I was drying my hair and I missed it. She's up awful early... especially for drunk A&M time. I hope she's ok :(

Ok you guys, May 25th, Julie Roberts' new album drops. She was at Belmont when I was there for 4 months. Obviously, I dropped out to come back to my wonderful life in Oklahoma. She, on the other hand, graduated. She was also a regular at Harvey Washbanger's in Nashville.

If you open her website, hopefully her song "Wake Up Older" will be playing. God I should have written that one. She's awesome. And freakin gorgeous.

Today's been a pretty good day so far. That's good because I'm still asleep. I got to class this morning and Dr. Jowaissas brought his animal shelter rescue dog with him. So cute. Then he said, "I think this is just supposed to be our time to slack off during the semester. Let's work two dreams then go to lunch." Then I stopped by panera for my half bacon-turkey bravo and half chicken caesar salad and the line was literally almost out the door. Luckily, I grew up with a boy who is a manager there. He saw me and said, "Ash come up here." I know people were cussing me, but hey, I was tired and hungry. I was outta there lickety split. And now I'm here at work and Whitney and I are planning our road trip to stillwater on Saturday. Just tell us when and where to be and we're there. She also said there will be a mandatory stop at Shortcakes around 4a.m.

I need some fucking chocolate and we have none. Yeah, it's about that time.

Where do I even start? I guess I could start by saying that last night was a great night. I started it by having dinner with my friend's thirteen year old daughter. I told her we'd start hanging out on a regular basis because she's really going through some stuff right now and she needs somewhere to go with all of her "stuff". As if being 13's not hard enough as it is, her parents are going through a really messy divorce, her dad who has raised her since birth b/c her biological dad died in a car accident had his lawyer send a letter saying he wouldn't help out financially with her anymore because she wasn't his biological daughter. And she just met her biological dad's side of the family this week, so now she's trying to integrate new Mimi's and aunts and cousins into her life. She's a very brave girl. And she's beautiful. We had great chinese food. She makes me laugh. It's cool to be a kid again sometimes.

Then I headed out to the Dog for Bike night, which went surprisingly well I thought. There were more people there than I'd ever seen on a Wednesday night. I spent the night with Kevin and Ragan looking at pictures of days gone by and remembering the good times and hearing stories of all the magical craziness that used to ensue, back before people made it big, back before people got married, back before people moved away. It's so funny to watch them talk about it. There is so much adrenaline and animation. The excitement is contagious (but not stupid). I found myself feeling like, man, I wish I hadn't missed out on all that. But then I realized, I didn't even turn twenty one until damn near 2001. So it wouldn't have mattered anyway. And, of course, I was making memories of my own. Trust me. Lots of memories. Lots of good and lots of bad. But all awesome. And sometimes I forget most of you guys only know me inside the walls of the Wormy Dog... and in my blog. The Wormy Dog me is a more observant, drunk me. The blog is just an exaggerated-amped up, but very true, me. I realized this when I got the lecture about discussing religion and politics and morals last night. And how I'm not supposed to be afraid to do it and yadda yadda yadda. I was like, why are these guys telling me this? Then it occurred to me that you guys didn't grow up with me, you don't know a whole hell of alot where I've come from and the things I've seen. And if you did, there would be NO question in your mind if I could hold my own in the arenas of discussion... with whomever.

So yeah, I wish I would've been at the yellow house and at the wormy dog in stillwater before Matt painted the mural and at Meridian in 2002. But I wish you guys could've been in Norman at Classics and hanging out helping me trying to help the passed out people on my couch in my old apartment on the southside, and hearing stories about getting naked on baseball fields and golf courses, and drinking whole bottles of crown in one night, and vodka, and rumpleminz, and making numerous road trips to Texas with absolutley nothing to do and freaking no money at 2 a.m. on a weeknight, and it woulda been nice if you'd have been there to calm me down the five hundred times I found out my BF was sleeping with someone else, and you coulda held me back when I was stalking down the streets of Norman trying to find that bitch, and then you coulda laughed at me when we kissed and made up. And I imagine Ragan and Kevin both would have given me a stern talking to about how I deserved more than this asshole and blah blah blah. But I guess where we've been is what's lead us to who we are and where we are now. And I love every one of you. You guys are freaking amazing. Even with all your bad hair cuts, big glasses, neon/rayon shirts and everything else that makes you who you are today. You guys rock my world. And I'm glad you're in my life. right. now.

[This is for Ragan who wanted me to come home and blog.]

[More stories to come. I promise.]

Consider yourself blogged.

Ok so I'm sitting here reading our new brochure's about STDs. I'm thinking I'm going to comment on some of the them and just really gross you guys out and keep you from ever having the urge to get freaky again. :)

[Nevermind, I can't even bring myself to go into it. Too many words like: frothy, greenish, yellowish, and fish-like. Ah the joys of my job.]

Look it. Sarah has a blog. Damn. I didn't think someone who obviously hated blogs so much would have her own.

Quick morning blog...

This Kid Rock CD kicks ass. #14 is my favorite. Pack your shit and take the first train outta my life :) I have a theory that Ragan set his iBook on his bed while he was having sex with his boyfriend when he was burning this because it keeps skipping... Yeah I'm feeling a little fiesty this morning.

Addendum

So I've been thinking. Yeah, my life seems a little overwhelming right now. But whose doesn't.

I just keep thinking... I sat in a counseling room today with a lady who said, "You wanna see a picture of my daughter?" And she pulled out two pictures of the most beautiful black haired, brown eyed, brown skinned, little 10 month old girl named Michelle, whom she place for adoption exactly ten months ago. The adoptive parents sent her the pictures. And that's not even why she was at the center for counseling.

My life isn't bad. My life is pretty good. I just have hard days just like everyone else. Those days will be over soon enough. The sun'll come out tomorrow...This I know.

I'm so tired I want to cry. This is what happens when Ashly gets tired sometimes. I become a three year old again. I should probably lay down instead of blog, but what the hell, writing is therapeutic right?

I hate cocky people. Wow, that was kind of a strong statement. How about this, I hate it when people are cocky. I hate it when people who don't even know me presume to know what I'm thinking. I'm way more complicated than what most people perceive me to be, and I like it that way. There are probably only two people in this world, and one of them is my mother, who are even on track 90% of the time with what I'm thinking. I'm not even sure the percentage is that high.

I'm getting really fucking restless right now. I think it may be the weather. Everything is changing. My life is really starting to change. I like change normally. But some things are just haywire right now. I caught myself on the way home going back to what's familiar to me. I always do this. But just lately I've started to call myself on it. I actually had the thought that I wished things were the way they were about six years ago and I could just goof off all the time and Cody could be my boyfriend and we could drive back and forth from Shawnee at all hours of the morning and drive out into the big open fields behind St. Greg's and spend the night laying in the bed of his truck covered in sleeping bags. What a pretty picture right? I left out all the horrible bloody messy stuff. But it's familiar. Whenever things start to get tense in my life I always find myself wanting to get back into that relationship... even though the relationship I want to get back into never really existed. Because I want something good. And it was pretty much nothing but bad. And please, whomever is reading this don't send me emails or comments saying don't get back together with Cody. I'm not considering it. I'm simply observing a psychological process in my life.

Anyway, I find myself struggling to be an educated 24 year old woman in Oklahoma who is not married and who does not have children. I know there are other people out there in the same situation, but sometimes it just feels really isolated. I have to balance my need for self-satisfaction, career, education, blah blah blah, with my need to love and procreate. But I can't do that alone. Love normally takes 2 people... at least the kind I want. I know I have so much to offer. I know this. I've seen enough really bad relationships to know that I have a whole lot of good stuff to contribute to the right person, I'm just tired of no one being the right person. And it's not because I'm picky. I mean, I am, but no one even remotely eligible has presented themselves. Augh! Most of the time, being with someone is not that big of a deal to me. I can take it or leave it. But right now for some reason it's a freakin big deal. Tomorrow I may decide differently. I don't know. I'm just ready for things to majorly change. And I want them to change now.

i have a feeling that i may have a semi-confessional emotional rant/blog coming. it may be deep. but what else would you expect from me?

I'm compiling my list for Graduation announcements. They'll go out in a couple of weeks. Guys, I need you there :) This is my desperate plea. My parents will be meeting the other's significant other for the first time. All kinds of craziness will ensue. I need an escape :) email me your address and I'll send you an invite :)

Random Ramblings

Tony said "Better late than pregnant." That's funny. Good job Tone.

I reallllly wanna talk about something that has to do with sex right now but I won't. Seeing as I made a commitment and all. Is saying that I wanna talk about sex but won't still talking about sex??? Oh well.

Anyway, while I was in the bathtub last night, Tucker strolled into the bathroom and looked at me with this crazy-eyed looked, then jumped head first into the trashcan with both paws. It was hilarious. I said, "Tucker Thomas Mufasa. Look at me right now." And he looked up. I said, "Get out of there right now!" He kinda gave this little whiney meow then got out of the trash can and moped out of the bathroom. It was so cute. It just made me realize that ever since I was a toddler, I have been ordering my animals around. When I was two and a half we had a dog named banjo. I can't remember what kind of dog he was, just that he was little and had lots of shaggy black and gray hair. He used to chase me down the halls of our house and grab onto the heel of my pants with his teeth. I would end up just walking down the hall and dragging him behind me because he wouldn't let go. Mom said one day she heard me yelling and ran back to the hallway by my bedroom. There I stood with my hands on my hips saying, "Banjo! Stop it! And I mean it!" She said that was the only thing I knew to say to my puppy because that's how she got me to quit misbehaving, by telling me to "stop it," and she, "meant it." So I guess it just stuck.

Just a little personal history for you on this beautiful day. I suppose I should quit procrastinating and get on with my day. I'll probably be back latah :)

I wish I could find Ragan's damn CD's. I've got somebody who wants to borrow the Ultimate Killer Bad Ass Feel Good 80's Rock compilation he made me.

Public Service Announcement

I think, with this blog, I've pretty well established that one can be an intelligent, educated female and still have a hellacious sex drive that one is not afraid to indulge.

Since this goal has been accomplished, I'm am making it my new goal to NOT talk about sex for the rest of this week. I'm saying til Friday. Then we'll go from there.

I've had several people comment on my lack of updates as it pertains to my weekend comings and goings to the Wormy Dog...

Bobby said, "What was so different that you didn't blog about Saturday night?"

Saturday night was fine. I had a little dilemma with my pink shirt that turned out to be see through under the black lights and Jeff kept giving me drinks with names like Midnight Hot Fuck and Horny Dog. What's a girl to do? I was also drinking things with alot of vodka them. Not good for Ashly. Vodka drunk=tequilla drunk=emotional drunk. Things got a little twisted, but ended up beautifully.

There's your update.

Where my girls at?

No, Ragan, I did not say "Where my bitches at?"

Anywho, if you're a girl you probably know what it's like to have that ever allusive boy call all of a sudden after days and weeks of not really talking to you. What does this mean? One thing: he feels like you're driving and he wants the wheel back. (And no, Whitters, I'm not talking about Cody.) I find this comical. I got two of those phone calls today... actually he's called me three times total between 9 a.m. and 2 p.m. Control freak much? So I'm working away, seeing clients, trying to get some homework done before class tonight, (I've told him all this) and he's like, "You're being kinda quiet. What's wrong?"

Well, I haven't talked to you in a while, what do you want me to say? I'm just trying to get some stuff done now that I'm back from Spring Break.

Well, call me when you get off K.

Riiiiiight. I'm not obsessed with you anymore. And yes, I am having sex with other people. Eat your heart out. :) hahahaa.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
-Sylvia Plath

I wish there was more on tv on Sundays. I'm watching a really bad Peter Gallagher movie about a man that has 2 wives. I'm just wasting time before Six Feet Under re-runs and the Sopranos.

I slept til 5 p.m. today. Ashly was a tired girl.

Ashly is a happy girl.

And it's back to school we go.

It's 10:52 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I only got 5 hours of good sleep in last night, but I felt like I should blog so I went with it.

There are some really interesting things happening in my life right now. I won't go into all of it, but I'll just say it's amazing how things change when you get out of your normal little circle and explore the world a little bit. I feel like this is the time in my life I've been living for since I was thirteen years old. I wanna say to my sad, insecure, Jr. High self, "See Ash, things wouldn't always be bad!" But it definitely took changing things up and being willing to just ride the wave to get me here. But I love it. I have no idea where I'll be in the next 6 months-1 year. There's just no telling.

Dave Ray says if I end up going to USC it'll be a sign.

A glorious sign from God :) hhahahaa.

I love that guy.

Looks like tonight I'm going to, once again, take my seat on the party barge and let it take me wherever it will! I might as well. Life gets back to normal promptly at 9a.m. Monday morning.

Anyway, I've got about 500 pounds of clothes and shoes to take to Goodwill today after spring cleaning yesterday. *I'm very proud of this. Since I work at a non-profit that functions solely on donations, I know what it's like to get shitty donations all the time and get mad at people for being so cheap and just generally gross. But everything I'm taking down today is in really good shape, I just haven't worn it in a year or, sigh, it doesn't fit anymore.

So anyway, I guess I'll get to it! Hope everyone has a fuckin fantastic day!

How I Became a Bad Ass/Hottie

Matt's drawing me a new AIM icon. He's going to ink it and color it. How totally kick ass is this???

So I took an hour and a half nap. I just woke up more tired than when I laid down. It's not supposed to happen that way is it? I think Ragan's inspired me to stay home and watch movies tonight. Just not sure which ones yet. We'll see....

You know what I hate? When people turn their cell phones off for days. WTF? That's no fun. Freakin hermits.

The "I was slightly drunk three hours ago but now it's 3 a.m. and I wanna go to sleep" blog.

So. Tonight was girls night at the OKC Wormy Dog. Carrie, Nancy, Nikki, and I partied all night long. Literally. Chad, Kevmo, Matt, and Jake played tonight. I wanted Jake to play more, but he played like 4 songs and left. Oh well. Kevmo rocked my world. But only cuz I told him to :) So did Chad, but that goes without saying.

With the help of the lovely Nancy and the ever so fabulous Carrie, I compiled my Boyfriend List tonight. This is not a metaphorical list, people. This is actually ON paper. Nancy's probably got it in her pocket. My list was kinda long. There were band members, married guys, and all sorts of other vagrants on my list. Of course, this list is only theoretical. But I would just like to say, I looked over the lists of at least 4 or 5 other girls, and i gotta say, Kevmo and Dave Ray are quite the popular ones. So is Bleu. But duh.

Anyway, I cannot divulge detailed contents of these lists as it would incriminate most of those involved. So we'll just leave it at that.

I got to be back up dancer for Chad and Kevin tonight. I was HOT. You shoulda seen me on the stage shakin my money maker. Woooo Hoooo! Then we partied underground til 3. I finally got to talk to Dave Ray. He sounded like he was having a good time cruisin Santa Monica Blvd in Hollywood at midnight. God. I want that life. I do.

Anyway, everybody's coming out tomorrow night again. That would make drunk night 3 for me. Don't know if that'll actually happen, but I'm sure I'll contemplate it. Anywho, it's time to hit tha hay. Hope everyone's night was as happy and productive as mine, but doubt it :)

Dani

I got a drunken message from my lil sis in South Padre today at 5 p.m. "Ashly, this is your little sister! Why aren't you answering the phone? I really wanted to talk to you!!! I'm drunk as FUCK!" (She screamed "fuck" in my ear.) Then I heard her talking to a girl next to her and she said, "Hey what day is it? Is it Wednesday? I think it might be Wednesday. I don't know. All I know is we're leaving on Saturday and it's NOT Saturday! We're fixing to go get in the hot tub! I love you! Call me back!"

Bitch.

I look a little like Carmella in my outfit today. I'm wearing a cute pair of docker's capri pants that are white with green and yellow leaves and butterflies on them with a white cotton shirt and white cardigan. But apparently I gained about 10 pounds when I went into hibernation this winter. Uh Oh. So you know how Carmella's pants are always just a little too tight. I feel like that's how I look. All I need is some blond hair coloring, a bad hair cut, three inch fake nails, a yankee accent and I'd be set. Thankfully my pants stretch out alot after you wear them for a few minutes :)~

It's really not that tacky.

So I'm gonna go spend some QT with my mom tonight in Edmond. I think we are going to go eat at the new Charleston's. Yay! That's like my 3rd favorite restaurant ever... behind County Line BBQ and Ted's.

Then it's out to see the girls and the boys tonight at the WD. Should be good fun for the whole family. Um. Maybe not.

Anyway, I tanned today and my boobs are burned. Bra hurts. Don't even think about suggesting that I take it off. That would be a scary sight.

[haha. Blogger spell checked "boobs." You think it'd know that one.]
[One more editor's note: upon review I realized Charleston's is my 4th favorite and the other two are 2nd & 3rd. Red Rock Canyon Grill is definitely #1.]

Good Day

Wanna say Hi to Bobby who's reading my blog at work. He hardly ever comments, but I know he's out there :) It makes me wonder who else is out there that I don't know about. Judging from my referrers and hits, there are quite a few of you who never say Howdy! Some of you have commented on the abundance of posts lately... well, that's just cause Tony Pierce is my hero and he blogs, and I mean super-blogs, three or four times a day. Plus, it's just so much fun :)

But I find it gets me into trouble. I've encountered some static lately over my discussion of sex and things of that nature... I suppose it doesn't sit too well with some people. Let me just say this: I am a 24 year old single woman. I have no children and no real responsibilities except showing up to work (and even that's negotiable at this point) and paying the minimal bills that I have every month. Let me enjoy it, ok? Someday I will have a husband and a family (at least that's the plan, but you know how plans go...) and I will be a totally normal married person who only goes out sometimes and who is very responsible with her time and her conversations and blah blah blah. But I'll still be wanting to have sex all the time. That's just me. I can't help that. Ask God why.

And while we're on it... I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't go out on the weekends looking to hook up with every guy that comes my way. My numbers are still in the single digits and damn near on one hand. Only once in my life have I ever had an encounter with a guy I hadn't previously had at least a good friendship with before. Why when sex is brought up does everybody totally tense up and stop breathing. Everybody does it...errr... everybody wants to do it. And it's good as long as you're responsible about it. So I'll just leave it at that.

And just one more thing while we're getting personal... I like having guy friends. For the first time in my life the majority of my friends and people I talk to on a daily basis are boys. It's interesting and I love it. So I guess this leads to the ever eternal question of: can a girl be friends with a guy without having sex with him... I don't think Harry and Sally ever figured that one out :) But I've managed so far.

Drunk Blog #.... F it. I don't know.
HEY COX-
The 2,000 phone calls you got at 2 a.m... those were from all your drunk customers wondering what the hell happened to their cable. Give some warning. Geez. It's back on now, but next time it's your ass.

E'rybody in the club get tipsy.
Cody called me at lunch today and wanted to go out tonight. I dumped him for Badwater. And rightfully so :)~

They kicked my ass tonight and I loved every minute of it.

Must... stop... drinking. Bad Ashly comes out. She's nothin but trouble. I'm tellin you.

I have just eaten a horse. And his name was Bueno. Taco Bueno.

I will not be consuming anything else for the rest of the day unless unless it contains hard liquor.

Happy Maewyn Succat's Day!

Just a little history for your asses. Maewyn Succat was St. Patrick's pagan name. St. Germaine, Bishop of Auxerre, decided Maewyn needed a Christian name if he was going to drive the heathens out of Ireland. So Mr. Maewyn obliged and went on his way converting the god-forsaken people of Ireland. He used the leaves of the Shamrock to explain the concept of the Holy Trinity. It is said that he drove all of the snakes out of Ireland. The snake is the historically accepted metaphor for pagan people, thus symbolizing that St. Patrick drove the devil out of Ireland. And to celebrate his accomplishments, we wear green and get drunk off our asses in appreciation of his spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ to the people of Ireland.

Here here! A toast to Maewyn Succat!

You know what I think is funny? That commercial with the lady saying, "You know, there is such a thing as being a little bit pregnant." Ummm. Did I miss something? That's like asking someone if they're married and them saying, "Well, maybe just a little. Kinda, I guess."

Are you pregnant? Well, sorta.

I don't think so. Come on people.

FIRSTS
First job: working the desk on Saturdays at Cowboy Cleaners
First screen name: DayZ1515
First self purchased CD: Probably Mariah Carey Music Box
First piercing/tattoo: got my cartilage pierced in my right ear in college, that was rebellious people.
First true love: Chad/Cody. I'm still debating.
First enemy: Fuckin N'Kole slutbitchwhore Rhodes

LASTS
Last big car ride: Does Stillwater count?
Last kiss: I cannot divulge that information.
Last library book checked out: The one in my backseat for a research paper.
Last movie seen: Passion of the Christ
Last beverage drank: Coke
Last food consumed: Sliced Brisket
Last phone call: Dad
CD played: Sara Evans
Last annoyance: wishing a certain someone would call
Last pop drank: Coke
Last ice cream eaten: I had a craving last night but didn't indulge. Wanted rocky road.
Last time scolded: I don't remember. But it was probably by Ragan.
Last shirt worn: 3/4 sleeve white zip up cardigan, Old Navy.


I....
I AM: Fabulous.
I WANT: A real boyfriend.
I HAVE: Great boobs.
I WISH: I had more money.
I HATE: Living in Oklahoma.
I FEAR: That I will never live near my sister again.
I HEAR: Shawna typing on her keyboard.
I SEARCH: hmmm. I don't feel like I'm searching.
I WONDER: Why boys always want what they don't/can't have.
I REGRET: Being so love sick when I was in London that I can't recall anything but walking through Hyde Park wishing my boyfriend was there. GAG.
I LOVE: Sitting at Lake Hefner by myself on a pretty night just thinking.
I ALWAYS: am horny. Don't know why. Can't help it. Don't hate.
I AM NOT: high. I promise.
I DANCE: not enough. I want to dance more.
I SING: in the car. I miss my stage days.
I CRY: on the phone, only to certain people.

YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: Journal. Not Diary. There IS a difference.
YOU LIKE TO COOK: Absolutely!
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: I'm one big ball of secrets :)

DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: Always.
WANT TO GET MARRIED: Eventually
GET MOTION SICKNESS: Once, on a boat in Cancun. That's it.
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: Uh, No.
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Auburn
EYE COLOR: Hazel
BIRTHPLACE: Rogers, AR

FAVORITES
NUMBER: 15, 78, and 44 for sentimental reasons.
COLOR: seems to be blue or deep red these days.
DAY: Tuesday or Friday, sometimes Thursday
MONTH: October
SONG(S): Anything by Sarah McLachlan
SEASON: Fall
DRINK: Crown N Coke/ Rumplemiz

PREFERENCES
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: You even have to ask?
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: chocolate milk
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: dark
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: chocolate

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED? Yes
HELPED SOMEONE? That's my job.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? yes. foods. drinks.
GOTTEN SICK? Nope.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? no
SAID 'i love you'?: Yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: No, but I should. Somebody send me your address.
TALKED TO AN EX?: HAHA. Yes. Always.
MISSED AN EX?: HAHA. NO.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: No
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: Yes
MISSED SOMEONE? yes
HUGGED SOMEONE? No
MADE A GIRL MOAN? In the last 24 hours? No. Wait. Do I count?? HAHA.

Woo Hoooooo! I'm drinking a coke and I just took at caffeine pill that is equivalent to 4-8 cups of coffee. Kevmo, I may be heading to your place if I don't come down before midnight :)

First Installment of Ashly's Favorite Movie Scenes

I thought I'd start off with one of my fave's from The Rules of Attraction:

Lara (Jessica Biel): It's amazing how much weight you lose after you get off the pill.
Lauren (Shannyn Sossamon): Yeah, except for the 50 pounds you gain when you get knocked up.
Lara: That's what condoms are for. See, I figure condoms are 98% safe, so if he wears 2, I'm 196% safe.
Lauren: I don't think that's how it works, besides, abstinence is the only 100% sure way to...
Lara: Whatever. I don't major in math!

Look for future installments from Dazed and Confused and The Sweetest Thing. Feel free to comment with your own favorite lines :)

Fragment. If you are a writer, you will totally love this.

This too: Paperstreet.

Just Another Manic Monday

Not really. It's actually been a pretty relaxing day, what with the rainy weather and all. I didn't wanna get out of bed this morning. But I did, obviously. There's no Spring Break at the office. Oh well. At least I don't have to go to class this week.

So Kevmo liked my one attempt at being a porn star. Well, eat it up boys cuz that's all you're gonna get :) I know I talk a big game sometimes, but I'm not brave with the camera. And I DO have standards. But mostly I just thought it was a really good picture. I look at it and I'm like, wow, she's pretty. Who is she?

Anyway, I went over to dad's for a while last night to do some "pickin" with him, as he calls it. I ended up spending three hours with him til midnight playing the guitar and talking. Apparently, Andrew is becoming the son he never had. He loves him. We also talked about Andrew's, umm... how do I say this, lack of a support system as it regards his musical talent. So I think dad's going to encourage him to start playing more.

Then I played a song for dad that one of my friends recorded and asked him to teach me how to play it. (He can listen to anything and pick it up after hearing it one time.) So we started getting into music theory and talking about I, IV, & V chords and how most songs are built around those inversions. And he started to teach me how to play this one song in particular. He started saying things like, "Now, here, he's playing the fourth inversion of E minor 7 chord." I have an extensive music theory history because of my thirteen years of playing competitive piano. Yes, competitive. It was totally retarded and way too much pressure, but I did learn alot. And I can just about kick anybody's ass in music theory.

Anyway, about half way through learning this song, I was like, "Dad, I know these guys, and they're good, but they're not classically trained. I don't think they even know what the fourth inversion of an E minor 7 chord is. Ummm, they use Cappo's alot."

So he says, "Oh. Then just put the Cappo on the fifth fret and use the C, G, & D chords." Right, so much easier. "They cheat," he says with a smile. Then he proceeded to play the whole song without a Cappo in a really funky key with really hard fingerings perfectly. But that's just dad. He's a genius when it comes to stuff like that. But I learned the song :) And I'm going to try to start writing some of my own... so we'll see how that goes... before you know it I'm gonna be making my debut at Mr. Miller's Toast and Jams. I'm a ROCK STAH.

someday...
I'm going to marry this man and we are going to make beautiful, toffee colored babies, and raise them to be geniously talented artists and republicrats. And we will live on the beach and I will cook for him so he doesn't have to eat TV dinners anymore. And we'll live happily ever after.

Something Definitely Happened Last Night

The Saturday night party went a little something like this:

I showed up at the Wormy Dog around 10:30, to find Jaimie, Angie, and Robert already there and partying away. Angie and I were having a conversation about the discomfort of the saddles and saying we really needed to get a table, but in the meantime we wondered if the guy next to her would scoot down one so I could sit down. So she asked him very politely and he obliged. I looked at him across the bar through the mirror, and I'll be damned if it wasn't Ace from the Real World-Paris. I was too chicken to ask and before I knew it he was up and outta there. I don't know what he would be doing in OKC at the Wormy Dog. But I swear it was him.

So we were drinking and drinking and drinking some more then Ragan, Melisa, Kevmo, and the rest of the wedding party finally showed up and the festivities ensued. Texas Jack kicked ass as usual. And I know most of you heard the story of how I made an ass of myself to Shannon, the drummer, last time TX Jack played w/ Boland because I didn't remember who he was. Well, last night I thought I'd try to make up for it. So during a break I went into my whole spill about how he reminds me of my friend Jared and that's why I couldn't remember his name b/c when I look at him I think about Jared. And he just looked at me and said, "What's your name?" So I guess I deserved that. Damn.

Anyway, I just wanna add.... I know Mark is happily married, but I still wanna have like a zillion of his babies. Is that wrong?

But I think things got a little too festive last night. If it wouldn't have been for Robert, I'd have probably taken one in the jaw from two guys who were trying to kill each other and everybody in their way, apparently. So that was an interesting little piece of drama to add to our evening.

Then some of us ventured to the wormy dog underground after closing time to hang out for a bit. I met Billy Henley, whom I know from somewhere but I'm just not sure where. It's probably my dad's store, but I'm not sure. And I also had some interesting conversation with Ragan, but I guess that's kinda the norm. Anyway, all in all it was a very good night. A very drunken night. But a very good one.

Perfectly Coiffed Toes

The weather is horrible today. I can't seem to wake up. The hour and a half pedicure I had this afternoon didn't help any either. One word: amazing. I haven't had one since last summer. For all my girly beautification needs, waxing, facials, massage, nails, etc. I go to Premier Salon on Memorial Road in Oklahoma City. Those are my girls and I love them. Franelle did my pedicure today. No one and I mean no one else was working today so I had the whole building to myself. I sank into an overstuffed chair with piles of pillows with a heater on the floor next to the tub of hot water and tub of extremely hot paraffin that would soon make my feet so soft and so deliciously pretty. Franelle laughed at me and told me, "Ashly, you're gonna have to toughen up a little," because my feet are unimaginably ticklish and I would giggle every time she would rub her thumbs across the arch of my foot. But I endured it and an hour and a half later, I emerged with feet soft as a baby's butt. And I'm glad it's going to be 76 degrees next week. I may suspend my open-toed shoes rule for just one day...

Can I Just Say

First off, the Spring Show was fucking fantastic. That doesn't even describe it. I know I always come home and gloat about OCU shows, but seriously people. If you live in Oklahoma and don't go or at least haven't been, you're at risk of me calling you ignorant. I'm just saying. Ok, I'll back off on that. Maybe not ignorant. Just uncultured. Or maybe just a typical Okie. But whatever.

The nationally renown American Spirit Dance Company took their bows at the end of the show grouped by class to Aretha Franklin's "Sister's Are Doing it for Themselves" and about a zillion gyrating girls filled the stage and up and down every isle in the Kirkpatrick Auditorium. Segue to "It's Raining Men" and all the guys came out. I swear, I'm not a big fan of underclassmen dancers in my English classes, but nobody and I mean nobody, can get sixty year old millionaires on their feet and dancing faster than these guys. It was awesome. And my boy Cliff Fogle (who, by the way, said I have a "beautiful smile" today) tore it up tonight on "It's Too Darn Hot." Jesus, one of these days I'm gonna have to go see him on Broadway and beg him for an autograph. Ah, what's a girl to do.

So I go from the lights down on Broadway to my musical evolution over time. I was just thinking today that my radio is usually firmly planted on the K-A-T-T. When did this happen? I used to detest the KATT. My first introduction to real rock-n-roll was when I was fifteen years old when my dad let me listen to his Eagles Greatest Hits CD for the first time. But we had to keep it on the DL. He was a preacher. He wasn't supposed to listen to that kind of music. Then, I inevitably fell for the bad boy who played his music way too loud. I was forced to listen to the likes of Metallica, AC/DC, White Zombie, Megadeath, Dio, and all kinds of devil music. And guess what, it stuck. And I'm finding the older I get, the more I like it. Isn't it supposed to happen the other way around? Aren't I supposed to be mellowing out and listening to freaking Delilah After Dark on Magic 104.1? That chick drives me nuts. "Oh, I'm sorry you walked in on your husband having sex with an 18 year old , you have three screaming children, no job, and you're about to throw yourself into oncoming traffic. Here, let me play this incredibly sappy eighties love song for you." Turn the radio OFF.

Anyway, just had to get that off my chest. Hope everyone's weekend is kicking ass. Mine definitely is. I have three words for tomorrow: Pe-di-cure. Wooo HOOO! Nothing like a little pampering to get the job done. Because getting wasted off my ass tomorrow night with Texas Jack is gonna be some hard work. And everybody knows it's more fun to get drunk when you have pretty toes :)

All in the fam

Dad and his band are playing tonight at some place in Goldsby :) I'm gonna go out for a bit and support the music. Then it's off to the annual world-renown Spring Show at OCU... got seats just in time for me and mom.

So my Friday evening will be spent with the parentals in appreciation of the arts... two different ends of the spectrum of the arts, but art nonetheless.

[I would also like to say a big THANK YOU to the individual at the rental property place who moved the atrocious Nissan truck with the camper that has been sitting in front of my house for the last 6 months. Finally, I don't look like I'm dating a hobo.]

New Faves

Jack Johnson. He's almost Ellis Paul and a little Dave Matthews without actually being Dave Matthews, for those of you scarred in your youth by the music of Mr. Matthews... uh... Ragan.

I want all of his CD's.

Anyway, I'm trying to get tickets to the Spring Show tonight at school if the damn people at the box office would answer the phone. I'm afraid it's sold out. I hope not. Anyway, if it is, I'll just suck it up and go pay the nice people at Blockbuster my $8.75 in late fees and get a movie or something. Who knows.

Things are so bad I had to go get drunk

So apparently the Stillwater people are having fun. Or at least that's the idea I'm getting from Nancy's text messages :) It's 12 a.m. and Wade hasn't gone on yet and I'm supposed to tell everyone Hi. So here it is. HI!!

Chad and my Kevmo did awesome tonight. I left a little early, just because I felt like it would help my reputation to actually not be seen closing down the bar one night.

Anyway, Tucker's eating french fries out of my black bra laying on the bed. I love my cat :) I love my life!

Spain

This world is going straight to hell. I don't understand the hate.

And tonight in class, I had this thought. My stomach's growling. I'm starving. Wait. I'm not starving. I have a mildly uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. People in Haiti are paying $1.00 to eat clay off a river-bottom. I am not starving.

Do This

If you've already done it, you don't have to. But it reminds me of Square One TV. Did anybody else ever watch Square One after school?

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer?

Funtimes. Just a little time waster. And for all you analytically math-minded people out there, please DON'T comment with the reason why this works. Just be satisfied to let it be fun, OK?

So, Stillwater tonight sounds really fun. BUT I am obliged to go to the Bricktown Wormy Dog to support my Kevmo. Maybe if I love on him now, someday when he's rich and famous he'll let me borrow his hot tub. And his roadies. Hahaha.

Anyway, it's a lovely day here in OKC and I heard this morning that while I used to be a Hottie, I am now Adorable. Can someone please explain the difference to me?

Random Thoughts

Badwater Badwater Badwater!!

And Texas Jack. All in the same week. What more could a girl want?

If you get a chance, check out the sound booth and the picnic tables upstairs at the WD. I'm expecting divisive comments from the members of Tucker Road any day now.

Ragan and Matt have webcams now. Excitement? Uh yeah, if you get off on looking at a messy, empty office. HAHAHAAA.

More Badwater. Garron rocks my world. Haven't really had a conversation with Bobby Wayne yet. I just love his name. It makes me wanna go stand next to him at the end of the bar while he's ordering a drink, lean over on my elbows, smack my gum, and in my best country girl voice say, "Hey Bobby Wayne." God I've gotta get out of this state.

Dave Ray kicks ass.

I could never have an audio blog or a web cam. A web cam would be a scary thing for me. And we all know why.

Redeeming Words

For three years I've hated Luke. Until tonight.

Imagine a person you come in contact with at least twice a week, sometimes more, who always waxes philosophical about everything possible... who questions tenured professors constantly... who gives off an air of "I know everything so don't even try to question me."

Meet Luke.

Tonight I read one of the greatest love poems ever written, "Birth of Love" by Robert Penn Warren. If you read this poem, read it out loud and slowly. He uses some of the most magical language ever put together in written form. Tonight in class, I brought up the point that this poem is not a poem about a beauty queen, a man objectifying his love for a woman by ogling her perfect body. The poem is actually about his wife whom had he been married to for quite some time. He uses the words, "female awkwardness" in the poem and the "breasts bulge down in/
The pure curve of their weight." He uses the rest of the poem to describe her beauty and how she beautifies the night surrounding her, even though she may not be the picture perfect example of the societal expectations of a female body.

Luke chimed in, "Yeah, it's like the 'I can't believe it's not butter' commercials. There's the imitation stuff, then there's the real stuff. Fuck Fabio. I want butter."

Finally Luke said something I can respect. After three years of loathing him, he has finally won some validity in my eyes. It's funny. That's all it takes.

Today is Lovefest Day!

It's a beautiful day and Kevmo's blog this morning got me thinking. My friends rock. Even the ones who don't have blogs. But the one's who DO have blogs rock even more :) So I decided that today is the official Lovefest day on AshlyBrooke.com. This is for my fellow chico's and chica's on the www. And the ones who put up with me when I've had way too much to drink. Like that ever happens.

Whitney Ann is one of my dearest friends in the world. She called me last night with yet another amazingly creative idea that I can't wait to be a part of! She's beautiful and talented. I want her to come out more, but alas, she is in love.
Kevmo rocks my world on a constant basis. He is constantly insightful and is the greatest hugger in the world. The thing I love about Kevin is he is always happy to see me. If you're having a bad day, Kevmo is your man. He's proven this time and time again. Even to complete strangers.
Ragan. What can I say about Ragan? He is the reigning king of music trivia. He's my party buddy. Ragan and I have alot in common in the way of our families and backgrounds and things of that nature. Which is why conversation with him is always so interesting. My opinion is, if Ragan isn't there, it's just not that much fun.
The first time I met Robert, I knew I would like him. Robert is the culmination of all of the friends I had growing up. He reminds me of some of the best times in my life. He rivals Ragan as reigning 80's music king. The best thing about Robert is he is a great encourager. He always seems to have this attitude that no matter what's going on, it's all gonna eventually be ok. And that's really cool.
Matt and I haven't actually had that much face time. But we've spent countless hours on the www and on the IM. Basically, he uses me for comic relief. Apparently he thinks I'm funny. I have no idea why. He and Ragan work together doing amazing things in the area of graphic design. Matt is the most hugely talented artist I think I may have ever met. He can draw things I can't even imagine in my mind. And he's always up for some interesting conversation.

I looked for a picture of Mr. 26Blue himself, but it's on my PC at home. So you'll just have to take my word for it that he is awesome. He's a bit reclusive, but when he does show up, he's so cool. He kinda sits and observes. But when Ryin has something to say, you should probably listen because it's probably gonna be really good. He is like the ultimate cool and I love him.

So, that's the lovefest for today on AshlyBrooke.com. If you didn't get a mention, it's not cuz I don't love you. It's just cuz I'm tired of typing :) I promise to do it again soon. My friends rock n roll. Today is good and I love my life.

How is it that a perfectly confident twenty four year old woman can become a stupid, voiceless mound of silly puddy in 0.5 seconds?

By going to pick up lunch and looking up to see her 8th grade boyfriend that she hasn't seen since 1994 but magically looks exactly the same standing right next to her. That's how.

Oh my god. Look down. Don't let him see your eyes. Don't smile cuz if you smile he'll know you recognize him. Stay calm. Breathe. RUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Trent. His name is Trent. The southside is never safe.

girly things

Let's start with a couple of definitions:

"Comfortable Panties": Underwear girls wear solely for the sake of comfort. Some girls choose this style come hell or high water. Most often this mentality is initiated by backlash against the thong. Comfortable panties can also be cute. However, they are not usually recognized as sexy.

"Sexy Panties": Underwear that makes you feel sexy even if no one sees them. Most often these are worn under the mentality "just in case." These panties can also be very functional if one is wearing a particularly tight pair of pants or skirt, thus eliminating the ungodly panty line. These underwear are not necessarily uncomfortable, but damn well may be. Fit is very important.

I am a firm believer that alot can be learned about a person from their underwear drawer. Yes, even you boys. You can tell if someone is worried about first impressions, or if after years and years thread-bare and holey skivvies have come to be a part of the norm. You can tell if a person is daring, colorful, structured, boring, mundane, dangerous, and perhaps even a bit scary from the contents of someone's underwear drawer.

I made a startling and somewhat disconcerting discovery tonight while folding laundry. I now have 16 pairs of comfortable panties. Two years ago I had 2. Now I have 16. Granted, some of them are very cute, but (no pun intended :) I have a strict policy against sacrificing sexiness for comfort. Or at least I thought I did. Don't get me wrong, I still have plenty that will work for my "just in case" moments, but what does it mean that my collection of cotton tighty whities has increased 8 fold in two years??? Am I getting more boring as the years go by? No, I think not. I think the answer is that the excitement in my life has decreased 8 fold over the last two years. Maybe this is what I need to work on. Wow, that sounded awfully whorish. What I meant was I hope the excitement comes back soon. I've got a funny feeling it will. Do you ever have a feeling like you're standing on the edge of something, you don't know what it is, but it's going to be really good?

Well, I hope I'm right. I've got to do something about this underwear drawer :)

So as it turns out, Dani's fake ID worked beautifully. The only catch was it was her best friend's so they couldn't go the same place at the same time. Anyway, I talked to her for an hour tonight til 3 a.m. and she was holding girls' hair back while they were puking on the bus on the way back to College Station. Dani's a pro. She can definitely hold her liquor. I learned everything I know from her. Contrary to popular opinion, Dani was the bad child. I was the pleaser. Dani's life's motto can be summed up in 2 words : "Fuck off." Literally. You have to understand where we come from. She's not a bitch. She just totally rebelled against the whole perfect pastor's daughter, I live in a fishbowl thing. I love her for always doing her own thing. I know sometimes she does it out of reaction to hurt, but most of the time she's just proud to be an individual. She kicks total ass.

I made a promise to someone tonight. The someone I made this promise to-- please hold me to it. Otherwise I'm going to keep making an ass of myself. We can't have that. So next time I start to veer into the territory where we know I should not go, remind me of what I said tonight K? Ok. That's settled.

It's 3:15 a.m. I'm going to bed.

Saturday

Beautiful day. Didn't get to sleep in. Had a board meeting I was "required" to attend this morning at 9a.m. ICK. But I suppose it was as productive as it could have been. Anyway, my lil sis is in Austin this weekend for some sorority conference thing. Riiiiight. That sounds real official. That means she's partying her ass off as we speak. She went armed with her new fake ID, so we'll see how that works. Hopefully she'll have better luck in Austin with a fake ID than she does in College Station armed just with her drunken courage. I think she's becoming known as the girl that gets kicked out of bars for being underage. She has somewhat of a record and apparently her reputation is beginning to precede her.

Anyway, I may go out myself tonight. We'll see. I didn't go out last night b/c of the board meeting thing, I didn't go out Thursday night just cuz, but I did go out Wednesday night. I think it's about time. However, if I DO go out tonight, I may cut it a bit short. Just depends. You know.

Anywho, hope everybody else's weekends are kicking ass.

you know what freaks the shit outta me? (sorry, i'm feeling kinda rowdy today.) my cat is asleep on my bed. he sleeps with one of his eyes half-way open. so when he wakes up periodically you can see his eye rolling down from the back of his head. it is totally freakin sick.

What a day today. Freakin awesome. This new Pink CD kicks complete ass. It's so much better than Misundazstood, which I really liked, and her first one (obviously). It's just a totally different feel. It's more punk and not so manufactured. Seems very true to who she is right now. Rock n roll.

My little kiddos were so wired this morning. I STG, sometimes I wanna slap those cafeteria people for sugarin and caffienin up my kids before I get there. How are they supposed to get anything done all day when they're practically twitchin from the high they are on. Although, I gotta say, the little guy I work with, Christopher, is always pretty wired anyway. Naomi, my kick ass little chica, is always on task and happy about it. Today she was reading to me and Christopher kept sticking his finger in her ear to mess her up. I said, "Christopher, don't bug her while she's reading." He promptly responded by shouting, "You said booger! Booger!!" (For some reason this reminded me of the usual conversations I have with Matt. I guess boys never really grow up.) And I guess he just learned the phrase "Lickety split." Because everytime he'd do something right he'd say, "I did it lickety split." And snap his fingers. So cute. But so annoying after an hour straight.

Anywho, the jury's still out on tonight. Apparently there are 25,000 lawyers in town for some conference. I'm resisting the urge to go downtown and whore myself. haha. My girl Kamma Kamma Kamma Chameleon from Nashville is in tonight to give a pep talk about fundraising to my Board tomorrow. God I hope it works. Anyway. We'll see what happens ;)

For Your Viewing Pleasure


AshlyBrooke.com & PinkChampagneHigh.com Junior Executives in Training. (Minus one Shanna Martin-right, and one Whitney Woodward-bottom)

Sixth grade to be exact.

I got a surprise phone call at 10 p.m. tonight. Yay! I love surprises. It was my good friend Machew Hoshay!! (AKA Matt Hodges... with the French accent... somebody said it one time and it just kinda stuck.) Only one person reading this blog will even know who in the world I'm talking about. (And Jackie why don't you ever comment??) Matt and I go back to junior high. He was from Texas but our parents were friends, so he used to spend summers up here. I still have letters he wrote me from when he would leave in the fall to go back home. My first dance was with Matt. I was fourteen, he was sixteen. We were at Fiesta Texas in the Classic Fifty's section and he made this huge scene by pulling me to him really dramatically and making me dance with him in the middle of the street in front of about a zillion people. I was so majorly in love with him for like two seconds. And we've been great friends ever since. However, I haven't actually laid eyes on him in three years. That was the last time I went to Houston. Since then he's moved from Houston, to LA, to College Station, back to Houston, and is on his way to Nashville in two months to do session work with CeCe Winans' producer. He is an incredible musician. He can play the piano and sing better than any boy I've ever seen in my whole life. Hence, the falling in love bit. His voice still makes me melt. I just love the fact that he's one of those people that you can not talk to for a long time but when you do talk to him it's like he was just over at your house hangin out yesterday. And I love the fact that he still thinks of me enough to call every once in a couple of years :)

Ashly on Being Alone

I think tonight is one of the first nights in recent memory I've spent totally by myself. That's quite a change for me lately. I'll go for months without really going out. Then I'll go through a stretch where I have something lined up every night. Part of me's glad to have nothing to do tonight. Well, at least to not be doing certain things tonight. The other part of me wants to party, as usual. But luckily Ragan hooked me up at our Pirate Party last night. So at least I have lots of good tunes to be alone to tonight. Wow. He was right. This new Kid Rock is very bluesy. I like. Only Kid Rock (w/ Hank Jr.) can pull off something like Cadillac Pussy. Oh yeah. I feel like makin love. Kick ass.

Anywho. I've been thinking. I think Dave Ray needs a 411 section. Cuz I wanna know. I also want to see Whitney some time soon. It's been a while. Lets see. What else. I miss my sister. The sky today at 6 p.m. was unbelievable. I wanted to take my mid term outside. Reminded me of a poem I wrote three years ago called Green Rain. I still love it.

What else. I can't stomach people who preach in their blogs with the sole purpose of showing how theologically sound they are and how heathen and pagan the rest of us are. I can kick anybody's ass in Christian theology any day. Can't help it. Didn't choose it. It's in the blood.

I've decided I'm inviting the parents' significant others to graduation. I figure it's gonna be really sticky since it'll be the first time each of them meet the man and the woman who will be marrying the person they were married to for twenty-one years. But what the hell. I guess it has to happen sometime. I'm just asking all my friends here in OK to show up so I can just chill with them instead of be in the middle of all the family fuckeduppedness. You like that? Fuckeduppedness? Yeah, that's what an English degree is good for.

You know what I think is so trite. When you start withdrawing energy from an exhausting relationship, then suddenly the other person wants to kiss your ass, but act like they're just in a good mood and not really kissing your ass when it's more than obvious to you that they are FOR SURE kissing your ass. Oh yeah. Now it's all good. Sure. Whatever.

Well, I guess that's all I got here. I need to write some tonight now that I got the time. Maybe I will.

Maybe Kevin will.

Maybe Robert will write a chorus and a second verse.

Maybe I'll hear both of them sometime.

I hope so.

I Would Like to Thank the Academy...

I feel like my life is spinning around crazy like and so many unexpected things are happening right now. It's a roller coaster and I'm just holding on for dear life and enjoying the ride. WOW.

This world is filled with some incredible people. You know that? My life is filled with some incredible people. And some not particularly incredible people who have definitive incredible moments, making them amazing in my eyes. Even if just for a few minutes. I look at all the people in my life at this very moment and I could just make lists of all the cool things they add to my life. Even the people I don't know that well but are a part of the scenery that is Ashly's world.

I feel like everything's changing. It is. I know that. I love it. And I just want to say thank you to everybody in my life who makes my day to day existence just that more awesome. I had a thought last night while I was listening to Chad and Kevin in the underground in front of the silver sparkly backdrop which was the only thing lit up and accented by the string of white Christmas lights... I'm going to look back at this time in my life in five, ten, twenty, fifty years and think how magical it was and how these are the moments that have made up the entirety of my life. The only things that are important are being who we are and doing what we love. And it's such a bonus when the people around you are doing those things too.

just a couple of things while i'm still buzzed

1) Ragan said he had to go to bed early tonight to meet with Stillwater school board people tomorrow, yet once the alcohol was flowing, suddenly his bedtime vanished. *mental note. Ragan will do anything (well, almost) as long as the Jack is plentiful.

2)Really good to see Robert and the ever illusive Ryin out tonight. My God. How lucky am I to be there on a night when they both magically show up.

3)My drunken week night at the wormy dog ended on a fabulous note. Love it.

4)My night when I got home ended on a freakin twilight zone note. I'll tell you about it some other time when I've had my share of the Rumpleminz.

5)I love my cat.

6)Check out the group audio blog at sweetwebsite.com. This is our lives people. Freakin rock n roll. Listen for Kevmo in the background. There is a certain phrase he seems fond of :)

7)No one in, at, or around the wormy dog will ever date me. Do you know why? Because they think I'm an alcoholic. This is the problem with making friends at a bar. That's the only venue they associate you with. Hmmm. Yikes.

8)Whatever. So what's up for Thursday night?

For my first official act as a minister

I would like to say that the proprietors of Kevmo.com, Sweetwebsite.com, PinkChampagneHigh.com, and especially Badasswebsite.com need to consider making confession and being absolved of all indiscretions incurred since their last confession, or more realistically, all indiscretions ever.

As always, I am available for confession. Tell me your deepest darkest and I will tell you what acts of penitence you need to perform to be absolved of your sins. And be assured, showing up at the Dog tonight and partaking of alcoholic beverages will be included in your penitence.

Bless you my child.

Ok. So.

I will now be available to:

Perform marriages in the state of Oklahoma

Perform funerals, baptisms, last rites or any other sort of legal ceremony or ritual, except circumcision

Start a church of my own

Absolve others of their sins

My services are available and I always give discounts to friends and family.

My Ordination Certificate

Shalom. A salaam malakem. Peace be with you. And may God bless you and yours.

Academically Induced Emotional Rant

There are just some people who have no idea when to keep their mouths shut. Am I right? Of course I am.

The last two nights of Modern American Poetry class have been spent discussing the poetry of Sylvia Plath. Sylvia's story and work have yet to hit pop culture but will soon with the debut of her new movie, "Sylvia," with the lead role played by Gweneth Paltrow. Sylvia Plath was an American poet who was married to Ted Hughes, also an American poet. Sylvia lost her father at the age of eight and her marriage to Hughes was fraught with major problems, mainly his infidelity. Sylvia killed herself at age 31, leaving behind two young sons.

Her poetry is amazing. Intense? Yes. Depressing? Yes. Angry? Yes. Insightful? Obviously.

If you are having a bad day upon coming to poetry class, I can respect that. I'm known to have a bad day once in a while. HOWEVER, I cannot accept the fact that just because you have a bad day, that you throw all intellect and possibility of insight out the window. How dare you call Plath's poetry "adolescent" and "annoying." How dare you say that she doesn't make you "feel." That she doesn't give you any "wisdom." If the image of driving a stake through your father's heart and it coming out his back, then villagers stomping on his grave and laughing, if that doesn't affect you, you are on some good shit and give me summa what you got.

You don't have to love her and you don't have to memorize her poetry, but you DO have to see her brilliance as an artist and respect the fact that she drew from what she had, even if it was immense inner turmoil, and produced some of the greatest confessional poetry on the planet, in the history of mankind, and what have you.

AND for future reference: Please, for God's sake, keep your mouth shut unless you have something intelligent to contribute to the discussion.

CALL THE FCC!!!!!
Badass Website has an audio blog.

We must not pass the day

Without pausing to reflect on how twenty-five years ago, this very day, the world was graced with the presence of one Whitney Ann. She is the most multi-talented human being I've ever known. She can converse with anyone and I mean anyone. She can create things with her hands that I could only dream of. Words fly from her mind to her pen with such ease and elegance that professional writers should envy her. And she's beautiful too. That's a bonus. This chick's got it all. And I love her. So... where's the party??

Today was a good day

Yep. I didn't even have to use my AK. Again.

I love days like today. I had a great class this morning. And being in the counseling and crisis profession, sometimes you need help too. And that's what my Tuesday/Thursday morning class is for me periodically. I don't feel like my life is in crisis, but I do feel like I am in an incredible transition period in my life. In my relationships. In my education. In my job. Everything seems to be morphing and changing. And this can be painful, or this can be good. Today it's good. I feel like I have all the courage in the world--when I choose to utilize it. I may feel differently tomorrow. But knowing there are days like today gives me hope.

Thank You Raymond

So I just kicked my Counseling and Psychotherapy mid term in the ass. We had to psychotherapize (yes, I just made that up) a dude named Raymond and recommend a course of treatment. Raymond has major problems relating to women because his mother, who is dead now, was so controlling and critical of him. He says he can't relax around people and feels like his life is helpless. My recommended treatment: Dude, take a valium, two shots of tequilla and call me in the morning. I'm totally kidding. Valium would kill the buzz.

Anyway, I figure I could make a crap load of money off Raymond and his woman problems. I mean we're talking grieving the loss of mom, which is a good six weeks. Then working through his control problems in his relationships as a result of mom's overbearingness (I think i just made that one up too) and that would take a good twelve weeks to see to completion. At $75 a fifty minute session, meeting once a week, I'd cash in at close to $1500 for 15 hours of work. And I betcha Ray would have a bangin girlfriend at the end of that 18 weeks.

In about three years, I'm going to love my life.

I don't want to belong here. Things are so much different 1,000 miles from here in any direction. And they're pretty different just five miles from here in the Paseo. I want that on a huge scale.

There is a person inside me that wants to be a person who sits on the sidewalk on venice beach all day and watches people as they pass, looking at my art and asking how in the world I think of such things.

I want to be the person who does nothing all day but nail pieces of wood together to make picture frames and paint them all kinds of crazy bright colors and frame paintings that look like words in thick paint on canvas. Lots of hearts and lots of stars. Lots of words. Maybe made up words that nobody knows but they sound really cool and catchy.

Some of me wants to live getting by day to day on the lower east side feeding homeless people and junkies because eating is a fundamental need and is a human necessity. Not a privilege we earn when we become nice and neat and clean and productive citizens of a world policeman super power. And I want to make big productions on big blank walls that make people think. Maybe it pisses them off. Maybe it makes them love themselves or someone else. Even if it's really messy and not symmetrical. It's beautiful and it's raw and it's real. And I want to be surrounded by people with really radical ideas. Even if I think they're off their rocker or dead wrong. At least they're thinking and not just swallowing what's been thrown at them all their lives.

I constantly fight the me who is supposed to be responsible and work and study and produce produce produce for the masses and the me who wants to outrageously put it all out there and be messy and profound and out of control and fabulous and still productive. Just in a better way.

two things I've got this week:

mid terms and PMS. send me some love.

...can't take it...must vent...

Ok, so I still feel generally crappy, but not near as crappy as I did last weekend. That was horrible. Now I'm functionally crappy. Still coughing and blowing my nose every 2 minutes but oh well.

I had a client who just pushed me over the edge. And it's only noon. She's coming for counseling for a decision she made that she's still feeling very guilty, angry, and depressed about. She's one of my tough clients. Every once in a while, I'll get a client who wants to walk in and hear me say the magic words and POOF everything in life is just rosey. Tip toein' through the tulips from now on. I don't know what kinda drugs you're on but I can't fix a lifetime of pain with an hour of counseling. In fact, I can't fix a lifetime of pain in fifty zillion hours of counseling. I can help you deal and walk you through some things, but I can't fix it for you. I'll help, but you have to be willing to do most of the work yourself. So today I had to straight up tell her that. I'm not usually one to use the Dr. Phil "mean" method, I usually just like to ask insightful questions that will lead you to the conclusions you're looking for. But today, I took a different route. If you're looking for a quick fix, you've come to the wrong place. The pharmacy is down the street.

And another thing...

Why is it that most of the men in my life quit maturing mentally and emotionally at the age of 3? Thursday evening I played babysitter to a twenty-five year old who threw a temper tantrum because we weren't going to eat at the restaurant of his choice. We sat in the car and I calmly talked him through why his lack of control over the situation warranted an outburst worthy of a preschooler. And true to form, he was back playing with his friends and his toys in a matter of minutes. But geez! Do I need to deal with this?

And then, there's a certain person who calls me dozens of times in a row if I don't answer the phone. Apparently this is a sign of affection. Forget the fact that I can call him for an entire month and get only two answered phone calls. Suddenly I'm being the bitch for not answering my phone.

My God boys. This is enough to make me wanna be a lesbian.