Hello Blue! Nice to see you! It's been Blue's Clues and Dora the Explorer all morning up here. Gotta love the kiddos. It amazes me that there are still some adults who can't even operate email, but I've got a 4 year old who not only can go straight to the Blue's Clues website, but knows exactly how to navigate every page. I guess it all has to do with your priorities.

So I went out and spend a butt load of money on Christmas decorations last night. I sort of donated all of mine to a place that will remain unnamed (my previous employer) because I thought that would be nice for them. For three years I had forgone a tree at home to set one up in the office. So when I left, I left the tree there. I think I just didn't wanna take the time to load it all up. So last night I got a new tree, new lights, and new decorations. I assembled it all right there in the middle of the living room floor to Comedy Central's Christmas Special with Dennis Leary, Merry F&*$king Christmas! I thought that was appropriate. However, I hit a small bump in the road that required a rather emotional phone call, so I only got the lights on. So tonight, I'll be doing ornaments and ribbon. And deciding if I want to rearrange the furniture. My living room is not very Christmas Tree conducive.

Today is such an easy day at work. These only come once in a blue moon, so I'm going to enjoy while I can. No migraines today. Yippee!!

Have a happy Wednesday!

two nightmares in the same night. one involved cody, the other involved all the kids on that show on MTV, Laguna Beach. very weird. someone got shot in both of them.

i was very happy to roll over this morning and see the clock turn 7:21 a.m. too much anxiety in my life right now, that's for sure.

well, it's hump day once again. and hopefully it'll be a good one. gonna finish decorating the tree and get to bed early tonight after the last stats test. got a crazy day in court tomorrow. friday i'm getting my hair chopped. still not sure how, but hopefully different. then the party's on for the weekend.

and btw, ryin, i'm fresh outta cynder blocks.

Stupid school. I'll say it along with most of the rest of ya. OU sucks. I finished my paper in literally like 15 minutes. 6 pages of pure bullshit. You know what the assignment was? Pretend like you're getting therapy from two different therapists with 2 different methods. Use a situation from your life. Write the interviews and what you thought about them.

Um, yeah. So I'm making up me giving myself therapy. So. Stupid. Turns out, I'm not that bad at fiction when it's condensed. And pretty quick with it too. So anyway, that's done. Thank God.

It's freeeezing in my house tonight. I've got the heat cranked all the way up to like 85 or something but the thermostat still says it's right about 67. Stupid old houses with no insulation. Too bad my foot warmer is like 3 hours away. Guess I'll have to settle for Tucker's furry belly.

So I think I'm gonna email my paper in and skip class tomorrow night and put up a Christmas tree. Just feels right this year. And out of all the business and stressed out-edness I've got to stop and take some time to celebrate it being winter, finally. No more 80 degree days!!! I have a stats test Wednesday and that'll be the end of that shit! (Except for the papers, but I can do papers.) Thursday night I'll spend getting stuff together for Maroline' personal shower, and Friday night it's ON. All I can say is there will be men in women's clothes and lots and lots and LOTS of liquor consumed. All in the name of my best girl gettin' hitched.

So that's the plan, Stan. Love you all! Well, most of you anyway.

I'm out like trout!

Aight, so here it is. Real quick like. Today is already crazy... gotta love Mondays back from holidays.

Thanksgiving was good. Tons of food. All we did was eat for 3 solid days. Went to the Plaza Friday morning, got trapped in the Guess store with fifteen $300 purses I HAD to have. Must. Walk. Away. Mimi's was fine. Lots of eating and sleeping. Stayed up way past everybody else to get some good one on one time in with Mimi. We always do that. I love her so much.

Flew home Sunday morning in freakin hurricane winds. Valium is going to be a necessity on all flights from now on. But we landed safe and sound and I even had a surprise waiting on me. :) So it was dinner on the lake and lots and lots of really good conversation.

And now it's back to work. I've got a final, 4 papers to write, a personal shower to throw, a bridesmaid's dress to get pressed, a graduation to attend in College station, and Christmas shopping to do somewhere in there. And I've got 2 weeks to do all this. Don't expect to see me out til the wedding, peeps. I'm getting mega stressed just thinking about it. Deep breaths, deep breaths, it will all get done. It always does. And I'll try not to bite anyone's head off in the process. :)

Have a happy Monday!

Happy Biggest Shopping Day of the Year to you!

Strangely enough, I won't be doing any shopping today. I think the plan's to finish putting my face on and join Mom and Dani down at the Plaza in downtown KC. Then it's over the river and through the woods to Mimi's house we go. Be there by dinner just in time for either 1) a meat and cheese tray 2) homemade soup and sandwiches 3) my favorite BBQ meatballs. Then tomorrow's the big customary Thanksgiving celebration.

And more than ever I realize how much I have to be thankful for, especially this year. I thought 2005 was gonna turn out to be a total bust, just a boring year transitioning me into 2006 which promises to be completely spectacular... but I was wrong. About 4 months to the end of the year I found my saving grace. And he's amazing.

Everybody have a great weekend and go out and see my boys tonight if you get a chance. And have a shot or five for me!

It's almost Turkey Day! Woo HOO! Tryptophan for everybody!!

Well, it's a beautiful day. Get out and hump somebody!

Speaking of, I think me and my "other special band friend" will be making it out to see Mr. Dorman at Lit tonight, at least for a bit. It's been a while. So that should be fun. Anyway, everybody have a great Wednesday and start making your list of things to be thankful for!

What a randomly slow Tuesday. The boss is out getting her wisdom teeth pulled and magically, everybody else seems to have things to do out of the office today. Wonder of all wonders. When the cat's away and all that.

So I've got to make a presentation tonight in class. It's kind of hilarious. I'm doing it with a bunch of first year grad students. So they're all freaked out and like hey we should meet outside of class to rehearse this and make sure we've got everything right. Umm, yeah. I'm not gonna be able to make that. Here's my stuff.

I have to talk for five minutes about the individual effects of workplace violence. Hardly worth the hour trip to Norman on a night I DON'T have to be there. Two more nights of this stupid class and I'm done and rushing head long into next semester with Narrative Therapy, Group Therapy, and Counseling Theories. I'm sure I'll be diagnosing you all by May. (Don't worry, I figured out I'm massively screwed up a LONG time ago.) And the sky's the limit from there. Who. Freakin'. Knows. I do know one thing. I won't be here. And that's all that matters at this point.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm still sitting at the office by myself. I'm sure I've got some goofing off to do. I'll probably stop by Bin73 tonight for a glass and some Judson. Mmmmm. Sounds perfect. Everybody come out and join.

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

This day two years ago was the first time I ever met Mr. Gambrell and Mr. Dorman. And it was all promptly documented on blogger. Craziness, what time does.

And one year ago today, this is what I have to say:

So here we are. It's a holiday week. Hooray for the time off! And hip hip hooray for the good food that's about to come our way! And you know what's an even bigger party? Lil sis is coming to town! Woo hoo! This means hours of fun spent eye rolling and making sarcastic quips under our breaths about our redneck relatives. The fun never ends. For certain it will all begin over soup and sandwiches Wednesday evening with the grandparents in northwest Arkansas, and listening to poppa make every racist joke in the book and getting upset when no one laughs... listening to Mimi sigh, shake her head and say, "Bill.." and finally my mother's face will get so red she looks like she's going into a full on gran mal seizure just before she storms out of the room praying she is actually the milk man's child.

Then we'll all retire to our respective rooms, except for me, mom, and Mimi who will stay up til midnight in front of CNN, discussing the political demise of our country. Then eventually we'll all go to bed and Dani will wake me up at 2 a.m. in a huff because I'm snoring and she just can't take it anymore. She'll promptly move the couch in the living room and fall asleep. We'll wake up at 10 a.m. next morning to find mom and Mimi have actually been cooking since 7. Lunch is at 2 and by this time my crazy uncles will have joined us and the fun begins with the racist jokes, the sighing, the high bloopressure, and the fighting. But there will be the most incredibly delicious food you've ever tasted as a backdrop to it all. And it makes it all worth it. It has to.

And just think, in another month, we get to do it all again, only next time we get to do it 4 seperate times!!! Jesus I can't wait til January.

And here we go again...

The value of lessons learned...

So I scared away the robbers for like the SECOND time in my life. Geez. This must be my calling. Apparently when I came home from Maroline's on Saturday night they were having their way with my 75 year old neighbor's mini van and I turned the porch light on and opened the front door just in the nick of time. I thought, Hmmm. How odd. I know those people are in bed. So why is the light in their driveway on and why is the trunk open on the van? And I thought, I should probably go knock on their door and tell them, just to be safe... but then I thought, you've had like half a bottle of Jose. What are they gonna do? Have the cops come out to report the incident only for you to breathe your tequila breath all over him? And then I talked myself into imagining the whole thing anyway. I'm sure they're just going on a trip for the holidays and packing the van. At midnight.

Well, wonder of all wonders, I come out to go to work this morning and my trunk is open. And a very familiar voice echoed in my head and said, "Well goddamn!" I walked around and the drivers side door was cracked. Yep. Here we go... and at that moment my fears subsided because I figured out a long time ago if you don't leave anything of value in your car (assuming you have a totally standard factory system) and you leave your car unlocked, you won't have to pay to replace any busted windows and they'll just leave frustrated with some cd's you bought because you only liked one song on them. And that was back in 99 so it doesn't matter anyway.

So I've come to the conclusion that Elmer Fudd, the dude who's all on top of our neighborhood watch at 3PM every day, needs to adjust his schedule. Especially since it's happened twice, basically in his front yard. Geez.

Anyway, no major damage. No major losses. Just minor frustration. It's Monday.

I'm gonna tell you something 'cause it's the weekend. And nobody reads this shit on the weekends. Right.

Where is Dave? I called him twice. No answer. I guess it's busy on the west coast at 9:51 p.m. Whatever, man.

Anywho. Can I just say things are happening that have never happened in my life. Everybody knows and whatnot, but I'm not so fucking bold as to just put it out there just yet. Plus half of me believes it's not really happening anyway. I mean, even Maroline is in awe. And that means something.

And I've said too much already. I blame Kevin, his fire pit, his sausages, and his fucking cigarettes!! (No worries, M. There were no smokes to be found...) Anyway, yes. Let's blame Maroline. I was completely and totall sober until she pulled out her TWO BOTTLES of Jose and said, What kind of glass would youl like it in? And surprisingly, after ummm... 4? I'm not even crying. This is a monumentous day, boys and girls. Drunk on Tequila and not crying. Something must be wokring.

Tucker's looking at me like a crazy woman. And licking my fingers... hmmm... reminds me of something else... ANYWAY.

I love you all. Life is shitty sometimes but it always works out better than you thought it would. Change is good. ALWAYS. Make it what you want it to be.

Just do it.

And all that shit.

LOVE LOVE LOVE you! Out like trout!!

The Lonestar Horneydillopossumweedlanders

Not too much goin on today. Just lots and lots of dirty text messages floating through the atmosphere.

Gotta love it.

Spent some time with my good friends Maroline and Kevin this fine evening. Saw some beautiful pictures of Kevin during the Awkward Years (AKA the Perm Years) and some in a cheerleading uniform. Very cute. ;)

Now it's bath time and bed time. And tomorrow's Friday. Which really means absolutely nothing to me except it's time to start working on the 4 billion papers I have due in the next 3 weeks.

you know how sometimes you get sick, but not really sick enough to call it sick, but it's just sick enough to be totally annoying as fuck?

Yeah, I'm there. I can't breathe and I seem to be coughing a lot, but nothing hurts. Seems like a waste to me.

Well, I finally have a Wednesday where I got outta class early and there's no party anywhere. Figures. And Maroline's giving me the cold shoulder today. I sent her THREE messages and got not even one response. Dear, as Maid of Honor, I'm demanding you respond or you're out of the wedding!!

Anyway, spent all day in "substance abuse training" learning all kinds of fun things about meth and ice and things of that nature. The trainer guy spent a lot of time on alcohol though. So naturally about five minutes into it I started feeling bad. I'm sitting there thinking, Umm, well, I get drunk almost every weekend, I've have indeed upon occasion (one) ingested a powdery white substance, and I smoked weed last weekend. Shit!

Then I looked around the room and thought, Hell, these people probably do the same thing so I'm not gonna feel bad. Then the dude showed us this demonstration he does in schools with a bottle of Everclear and an egg. He put a raw egg into the bottle and in 3 minutes the egg was fully cooked. (Imagine what it does to your body, yada, yada, yada.) But seriously, who drinks Everclear? If he woulda done it in a bottle of 151, I would given him props for making it relevant. But whatever.

Basically all I got outta the whole day is that there are still a couple of substances I wanna ingest at least once before I die just to see. And I'm pretty sure I was supposed to get more out of it than that. Oh well.

Anyway, hope everybody had a successful hump day and I'll catch ya on the flip side!

Friends and neighbors, what a day it was. I should have known waking up with a stopped up yet running nose and coughing that I shouldn't have held out much hope for the rest of the day.

Had a few near misses at the office, but everything worked itself out. I'm still counting the days...

And as usual, I had some really good thinking time on my way home from class tonight. It's weird how changes in our lives can remind us of not so pleasant memories in our past (that was redundant, I know). Last night I had a near breakdown over something that happened years ago, and I guess I got scared it might happen again, and I relived the whole thing over again in my head. And tonight I started thinking about mom and dad and the circumstances under which we became two entirely different families.

It's crazy how you can't ever see the big picture when you're right in the middle of something. Everything's extremes. It's either great or it's suicide-worthy. You're either right or dead wrong (or the other person is), everything seems so clear cut and black and white. That's just the way it is. And sometimes you can't see all the angles of it until you get a little distance. Most of the church-going people in this state know "why" mom and dad split. She cheated. And that's kinda where the story ends.

She was always the one with the painted on smile in the front row or on stage, and even after the blow up, she still kept her mouth shut. Even to me and my sister. She never got on stage like her counterpart did and blamed someone else. She never openly defended herself. Never. I asked her one time why she never said anything for herself and I will never forget her standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me with tears in her eyes, after she'd be slaughtered in the eyes of at least a couple thousand people saying, There are some things you will never know and I never want you to know. I want you to love your dad.

And to this day, she says the same. And it's amazing to me, just last week Caroline and I were having lunch and she asked me what the real deal was with the divorce. She said, All I know is your mom cheated. And she was there. She saw the whole thing happen just like I did. But there were a few things no one knew. And once I finally found out, after I got a little older, after I got a little distance, I wondered why in the world it took her 21 years to find someone else. And I still wonder why she never defended herself.

Publicizing the weeks long affair was the sure-fire scott-free out for dad. For some reason no one ever mentioned he'd been asking her for a divorce years before. He couldn't just leave. He'd lose everything. But if she fucked it up, if she left him, well, our standard of living would remain mostly in tact. In a way I guess she finally gave him what he'd been wanting for years.

Anyway, she hates him with every fiber of her being now. But she still doesn't comment on the situation when people ask (and they still do). And I wonder if her hate is a result of letting him win, essentially, even though her integrity and her love for her kids would let her do nothing less. I just don't know how she did it. Lil sis and I came out of it learning how to tell people to fuck off. Dad, well, he's still up to the same old thing. And mom, she still has this quiet fire that I know is going to have to explode on some poor, unexpecting (although nosy) church person someday. But I think she's amazing for doing it.

I couldn't.

Love's too familiar a word

I stepped into the room late last night
because late is the time I keep
you were sleeping warm as coal
in a pocket of comfort and white sheets

but you don't startle anymore when I step into the room
though the hour is later than midnight
and neither window can place a moon.

I missed you, you say
and it sounds like a promise
when whispered half asleep
your skin still damp with sweat
from thoughts your dreams refused to keep

I follow my memory to a switch on a light
Shut your eyes
my voice cut short
when darkness turns bright

Do you love me? you say
but love is too familiar a word
for in this bed 10,000 times a phrase already heard
but, Yes, I love you speaks my reply
though I know I failed myself and you for not
matching how I feel with words of higher wealth

I know its lonely in the world tonight
because here is more than what's deserved
and the imbalance can't be summed in black and white
cause love's too familiar a word.

---

So I was reading back through my very first blogs and realized that lots of things have changed and lots of things haven't. I still dig Bleu Edmondson and Texas Jack and hanging out at the WD when there's nothing better to do in this tiny town. I know I'm not quite as optimistic and I feel like I'm more real. Oprah would call it my authentic self. And Dave Ray would tell me I'm self actualizing. Or something like that. Anyway, in all these moments of reflection I realized somewhere along the way I lost my Ellis Paul. I don't know how I let that go unnoticed for so long. So now I'm just gonna lay my head in the arms of this sofa, and wait for headlights to roll across these walls...

Anyway, he's got a new blog and a place for new songs and poems he's writing. Don't miss it.

You know what's fun about boys? (Besides the obvious *wink*) Dressing them. Putting that nasty t shirt back in the drawer for good and seeing him step out in something that makes you stand back and say, I get to go home with that.

It's just one of the perks of being a girl. So let us have our fun. :)

Overheard in a conversation tonight: "I saw Maroline, Nancy, Nikki, and Daisy Girl and thought, fuck, this can NOT be good." Damn right. Did you expect anything less? Be afraid. Be very afraid. I'm probably the least confrontational out of all of us, but that works fine for me! I'll just have my girls kick your ass if it comes down to it! But so far none of us has had any problems we couldn't resolve (or at least walk away from) peacefully and be better for it in the end. There have been a few close calls though... and maybe a few to come... cuz I swear if I hear a conversation that starts with, "Can I be honest with you?..." one more time, it's ON. Seriously. I'm not gonna go off on it now, but I'm just saying.

Love me because I'm a nice person and I'm fun to drink with, or just keep your distance. It's actually very simple.

Anyway, not sure why I just went there, but oh well. The bath is running and I need to go catch it. The rest of the evening will be spent... trying to figure out a way to tell my mother the plan is changing.

What a Monday. Pretty good. Pretty busy. Wishing it was last Friday night and kinda like ground hog day. Over and over and over and over again. Twas a good night, as you might have guessed. Saturday, well, it was a day. The show was, well, a show. Roger looks great in red, you gotta give him that. But I'm just not down for big shows at Dirty's I guess. If you wanna be up at the stage, it's a tiny space and there's only one way in and one way out. And I'm not too fond of drunk 21 year old's elbows hitting me in the back of the head all night either, among other things... the show at the Dog will be much better. Looking forward to the oh so happy day. :)

Do you ever find yourself walking around singing that ridiculous song by the Counting Crows from Shrek 2? I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love...

Geez.

What a freakin fabulous friday. It's gorgeous outside and I'm not at work. It doesn't get any better than that. Had lunch with my best girl, Maroline, at some little Mexican place downtown. It took us an hour and a half to get our food and the guy behind us's fajitas were toxic or something b/c they made the whole room go into a coughing fit, but other than that it was fun. :)

For some reason C's really obsessed with this whole grilled cheese pussy thing and she's telling everybody about it. :) That is so nasty. And somehow it got twisted into cheeseburger pussy. Eewww cheeseburger pussy. Raw ground beef...

You have no idea how raunchy it can get once it's started. And that's why we say High 5 for the clean punani!! :) You have to love us. MUST.

Anyway, one of my best pals is having a really hard day. So to that person I say, this is only one day, it's not the rest of your life, you'll make it through. Take a deep breath, remember I love you, and there's a cavern of mysterious treasures in the form of a stocked fridge waiting for you at the end. :) Which reminds me, I need to go pick up some coke. But first, it's manicure and pedicure time! And then it's one head long slide into RCPM tomorrow night!!!

WHAT is wrong with me. Am I getting OLD?

I can't seem to stay at a show past midnight unless:

I... ahem... have to...

It's Stoney, The Lost Trailers, and/or Mr. Clyne.

WTF? I used to close down the bar! Even if it sucked! I've lost my ability to bullshit.

And Tucker's ass is sitting on my arm. It's very hard to type like this. Everybody say Hi to Tucker!

Anywho, it was good to see my girls all in one place tonight. Hope everybody got home uneventfully.

I have a full day tomorrow. I'm off and have a trillion things to do... waxing, pedicure, shoes for the wedding, and lunch with Maroline. Not to mention laundry and just generally picking up the place. It's amazing how cluttered an entire house can get from just one person.

If I had enough cash, I'd do like Pinky and hire a cleaning lady. But I'm pretty sure she wouldn't take the job. :) Anyway, big shout outs to Mr. Ray whose last text message came from deep inside the caverns of one "Crazy Girl's" abode. Hope you made it out safely, my friend. I miss those Santa Monica nights and we're gonna have to do it again real soon.

Out.

What a freakin' fabulous morning! It's my Friday (we get off for veteran's day) and i've got the equivalent of nothin to do for like the first time ever. I've got court at 1:30 but both of the parents are in jail so it'll just be a continuance. No sweat.

Had a long talk with Dana Lee yesterday on the way to school. Man, it was good to hear her voice again. I'm so completely blessed in my life with girl friends that stick around. And it just occurred to me that Dana and I have been friends for almost 20 years now. Holy cow. And no matter how long we go without actually seeing each other, we pick right back up where we left off every time. Last week was her and her husband's 2 year anniversary. That's wacky. I think Dana was last in the pecking order when we originally decided the order in which we would all get husbands, but we should have known better when she decided to take care of nearly ALL of her firsts in the time span of one night in highschool after a football game. Girl does NOT move slowly. And no one could have foreseen my debilitating fear of commitment which naturally knocks me to the very end of the list for actually participating in some kind of long term, monogamous relationship. Anyway, they seem happy and I'm really happy for them. I had my doubts when the whole thing began, just because I think nobody's strong enough to tie any of my girls down, but Mike's done a pretty good job. So I continue to be thankful that I actually have friends for life. I don't think a lot of people can say that. I think even when we're like 60 Dana, Jackie, Caroline, and I will still be hooking up in Vegas or some place like that, blowing the grandkids' inheritance.

It's funny. When I think about it, we all kinda went through our bad boy phases and we all kinda stuck together through some really horrible relationship times. Some really crappy family times too. I remember when Jack's dad lost his job, that was pretty hard, and (dare I say it), her break up with Chad (the first and only boyfriend she had b/f her husband) was pretty traumatic too. Caroline went through what I affectionately call her Cody Phase with another boy named Flip whose only allure was basically that her parents hated him. :) Thank God we made it through that one. And then there was Dana with her first and only serious boyfriend who turned out to be a criminal who did a stint in the county jail for theft and fraud of her and her parents. I thought we were never gonna get past that. But she came through with flying colors and is now happily married and only a year away from becoming an RN.

And of course, they all saw me through the original Cody Phase... a phase which, to be honest, lasted close to 10 years. I thought I was gonna lose them a couple of times, but all in all, we stuck it out. He's history and someone else's problem now and my girls are still around. And now my last best friend is about to tie the knot. Craziness. Pure craziness. You all have done freaking fabulously in everything you've done and I'm so proud of you. Now start giving me God Babies!! Jackie? Do you hear me?? Dana said she'll give me one in about a year or so. Caroline? When can I expect one from you?

Anyway, I guess I'm just feeling sentimental today and I'm extremely thankful for the people in my life I lean on when things get crazy. They put up with the chaos that is my life most of the time and still love me in spite of it. I think all of them would agree, it provides them with some great entertainment.

Ok, enough rambling for one morning. I guess I should find some work to do. See you at the show tonight!

Well, here we are. The end of another Wednesday. Usually around 7 p.m. I start feeling like the night is never going to end. And by 8:30 I start thinking, well, that wasn't so bad. Yeah, all the hypothesis testing theories and differential equations have fried my brain, but I made it through yet another night of stats.

So I'm letting my peach bubble bath run, and I'm writing to you. Today was an interesting day. The new boy started. A couple of days ago, J, my boss, said, He's cool. But he's got long hair. Like, hippy-long hair. So I'm thinking, sweet, this guy looks like Jefe. That'll be nice for a change of pace in the office. So he shows up today, tall and skinny with hair that is neatly swept to one side of his eyes and barely touching his ears and the back collar of his shirt.

Um, hippy long? But this also comes from a 29 year old chick who prides herself on carrying a prada purse. So I guess I can understand her POV.

Anyway, he seems relatively cool, despite his being a recent college grad with a double major in theology and psychology and his being, by all accounts, a decent church-going boy. He's very smart. He went out with me on a couple of visits and we got to talk for a while. We're completely on the same page social justice-wise, and I dig that. There aren't a lot of testosterone producers out there like that.

So I'm glad to have him around. Plus for the next 7 weeks he's going to be doing my grunt work.

I love him.

And I guess there's not a whole lot more to my day. Well, there is, but it's not innernet fodder, so we'll just leave that to the wild speculation that's going on... right. about. now.

And I know. My hits have tripled. Hence, I'm watching you. And you're watching me. We're watching each other. And I am the champion at the staring game.

Just ask Hutch Hibbard.

I'm having one of those days when you get that really mellow peaceful feeling like everything's ok. Everything may not be right in the world, but it's on it's way. I haven't even had any valium.

And I just have to say how much I love my girls. My friends are the greatest in the world. Love love love.

APB:

FA, we need a date ASAP. (I need to borrow him for one night, Ms. Love.)

I need your calm reassurance that being completely psycho and thriving on reckless abandon is totally normal... and lovable.

Help. :)

This job is wearin' me smooth. Fast.

I left at 7 a.m. to go pick a kid up from the freakin' Kansas border to be back for court at 11, just so the judge could hand him a piece of paper and say come back December 5th. I finally found a pee-on to take him back, then I sat down at my desk to find an email telling me I had a kid that HAD to be moved to Sequoyah county (AKA Arkansas) by 5 p.m.

FUCK. OFF. Seriously.

I also had a paper due tonight at 6p.m. for a class I could not miss. Luckily, my boss had already been working on finding this kid a home in OK county. So I made a few very frantic phone calls and got her moved to the south side of the city instead of freakin' Sallisaw or some place like that. There were a few other workers who weren't so lucky.

I love how the state just feels like when something needs to be done, they're gonna wait til the very last minute and then tell you it has to be your TOP PRIORITY. Ugh. And somebody gave one of my foster parents my home phone number... which technically you're supposed to do, but hell, people. I HAVE to be able to turn this freakin job off sometimes. And they wonder why I have high blood pressure. Jesus Christ!

May can't get here fast enough.

My eyes are burning, my nose is running, and I'm seeing stars. Weird, funky, hologram-ish half-moons. Well, it's Monday.

Friday night, M and I finally had a girls night. Tried to catch Jarhead but despite miraculously finding a place to park at Harkins on a Friday night, the movie was oversold so we spent a few minutes in line getting refunds, then headed to the bar at Mickey Mantle's. And then it started. She was drinking some concoction of champagne and red wine and I went with the old standby. Like seven drinks later it started getting crazy. The crowd of drunken people next to us who had been making a scene at their table all night saying, "OMG is that Bob Stoops? OMG. It is! Not it's not, is it? Yes! OMG! BOB STOOPS!" And then a couple of the boys decided they want to come over and talk. Why not? We were a couple of beautiful, intelligent looking women sitting alone at a bar, probably obviously drunk.

Hi, my name is Skip (or something equally as nerdy) and I work at a call center selling bicycle tires. But I'm a manager, so don't worry. I make plenty of cash. I'm buying all their drinks... so can I buy you one?

Sure, why not skip. And then he proceeds to ask what we do. She starts...

It's very nice to meet you. I'm Sabrina. I'm an OB/GYN. Grew up in Germany and went to med school there. (He then proceeds to grab another guy from the table and say, Dude! She's a vagina doctor! And then that dude starts naming off surgeons and asking her if she knows any of them.) Then they look at me... and what do you do?

I'm Brooke. I'm an attorney. (Then both of them start with, Oh shit! An OB/GYN and an attorney. I'm not smart enough to be sitting at this table!) Yeah, I graduated from Stanford Law and came back to Oklahoma because my grandmother was dying. And I just got stuck here. I make pretty decent money being a defense attorney so I donate my service as a juvenile public defender in my spare time. You know, anything for the kids.

At this point, they were hooked. It was hilarious. Then it started gettin interesting. They asked us how we met each other and became such good friends and M told a verrry drunken story that made no sense at all. And I was just trying to keep from peeing in my pants... something about when she got here from Germany and I came back from California, we had this mutual friend named Jackie who was about to have a baby. And she heard me asking Jackie all these "very poignant questions" about her pregnancy and suddenly M and I became best friends for life. And then suddenly she blurts out...

Yeah, her dad's an actor. Tell them about it Brooke. It's very interesting.

Well, you wouldn't know him, really. He was in theater. He did a short stint on Broadway, nothing big. They just kept nodding very eagerly. I'm sure we were the most interesting people they'd met all night... except of course for that moment they had taking pictures with (an also drunk) Bob Stoops.

We tried to end the night at Old Faithful but I lasted for one bathroom break and I was done. But I did get to see Matt Powell without his shirt on. Right place, right time, people. I'm just that lucky. So the night was a wild success.

The rest of the weekend... well, maybe someday I'll tell you. I'll just leave that to your imagination at this point. Things are changing. Gonna be weird and very touch and go for a while, but I think it's gonna be good. And very unexpected.

Cross your fingers for me.

TGIF for sure, ya'll. Yeah.

Came in to work this morning to find two nice neat little mug shots on my desk from my clients with the domestic disturbance yesterday. Apparently the police will come out 3 times in the same day and still let you go, but the 4th time, you're a gonner. It's frustrating, you give people all the help and all the chances in the world, and they still blow it. But I guess that's what you're supposed to do when you're 19. It's just a shame when you're screwing up the lives of two of the most beautiful children in the world.

Anyway, took lots and lots of sinus pills this morning so I'm feelin' a little loopy. I guess that's the best way to do it at work legally.

And in other news, my other other long-haired friend, Mr. Jones, finally did it yesterday. He's joined the short-haired yuppy world. :) I hope it's not contagious. Because I'm really enjoying this phase I'm going through of digging boys with long hair and tattoos. The more the merrier! :)

Guess I should get back to floating around the office. Happy Friday!

Quick recap of the day:

Cussed out and called a liar... check.

Dealt with a general domestic disturbance... check.

Got a call about a client starting a fire in his living room with his DHS papers... check.

Talked to the cops about a client's boyfriend holding a knife to her throat... check.

Had some awesome Hideaway for lunch... check.

And I guess that about covers it!

I. NEED. A. VACATION.

It was printed corduroy. Maroon, green and black paisley. Round neck, straight bodice, drop waste (just like the dresses we used to wear in third grade), came to mid calf. Long sleeved, poofy shoulders. Black tights, black shoes.

What a nightmare. That was my bridesmaid's dress for the wedding of the year. I have no idea how that atrocity crept into my dreams last night, because I know our dresses are going to be fabulous and wonderful! I know this because I helped pick them out! And there is no printed corduroy or poofy sleeves!

I also remember something about Caroline gleefully tromping through the mud in her wedding dress to get to the park where the ceremony was being held. She didn't seem to mind in the least.

I have no idea where that all came from. Must have been the sugar free popsicles.

Warning: Girly stuff to follow.

So the refill on my birth control is officially up in 3 weeks. It's been a year and 6 months since I've been to the doctor and I'm in none too big of a rush to go back there again after my experience last time... you know, the one that involved one gloved finger shoved in places powdered and gloved fingers don't usually get shoved.

Anyway, I called today thinking surely they can get me in before the 22nd. Try March 22nd. But it ends up ok, b/c all the pharmacy has to do is call to verify I've set an appointment (which I'll cancel on the 21st, btw). So I'm thinking. Maybe it's time for me to have a baby. If I get pregnant in January, I'll have a master's degree before I actually have the kid. However, that does kinda limit my job possibilities as I'm sure nobody's too eager to hire a pregnant lady who's gonna be out for at least six weeks right off the bat. So maybe I wait til next summer. That gives me 9 months at a job b/f I have to take maternity leave. Haha. I said maternity leave. Of course, I'd have to find a donor, but really, I think that's the least of my problems. ;)

It's just that, geez, I'm 26. Aren't I supposed to be doing things like this now?

Let the freak out commence.

Well. It's Wednesday. And in the immortal words of Martina Sorbara, There's not enough ends in the week, wouldn't ya say?

And good news! There are two people in the office today with a stomach virus! Yippee! It's one big pukefest!

I got nothin. Today is a yucky day. I don't like it. I'm over it (this day). I wanna get on a plane and get outta here faster than ever. Tag along if you'd like.

My eyes are burning, math sucks, the stomach flu sucks, being emotionally drained sucks, and i think I'm gonna take a long lunch.

It is so hard for me to remain my usual tactful self sometimes. While visiting with a family this morning, the dad actually said to me, "Where we come from all the black people are trash."

Well, where I come from all the people who have kids in DHS custody are white trash.

So there.

Damn. But no, I had to say, "I'm really sorry you feel that way and I would hope you would be smart enough not to label entire groups of people based on differences you've had with one or two." Hell, if I did that, I'd be a lesbian for sure.

Anyway, just a job hazard I guess. I'm not exactly dealing with the Einstein's of the world here.

Anyway, some very interesting things are going on in my life at the moment. Good things. Scary things. Things that give me butterflies and make me bite my fingernails. This is a crazy ride and I'm just going to see where it takes me.

Happy Tuesday all!