Look at me! I'm on dialup!

So I'm sittin' here in the kitchen at mimi's watching her make some sorta dip outta cream cheese and about a zillion other things for her high school friends who are coming over for brunch tomorrow. How cute is that?

I have nothing interesting to report... except I thought that Jennifer Wilbanks chick was hilarious. Fourteen bridesmaids and six million guests pushed her over the edge. She went for a jog and ran all the way to Albuquerque. I don't blame ya sista, I'da been right behind ya. I'm sure she took a pocket full of prozac along for the ride. That's what gettin' married does to ya, see?

Anywho, I'm exhausted. This week as been the most horrible, terrible, very bad week I've had in a while and it's catchin' up with me pretty quickly. Getting outta town's always a plus. Everybody be safe and buckle up. I'll see ya on the flipper skipper.

He's my comfort food. I don't need him often, but sometimes he just feels right.

Sweet boys kick complete ass. I wasn't sure there were many left on the planet, but whaddaya know, apparently they still exist. Who knew?

Maroline and I had some really interesting conversations this evening. Mainly about God, sex, and babies. Don't ask me how we make the connection but we do.

If you could repeat anything in your life just for the fun of it, not to do it differently, but just to relive it and experience the same thing again, wouldn't you relive your first days being in love. The butterflies, the nervousness when the phone rings, the awkward silences, the wondering about the first kiss, the first beautiful kiss itself, the awkwardness that is being naked together and figuring out how everything works the first time, and the sweetness of the thought it's going to last...

I'd relive all of those moments, every one.

Well, peeps...

I stayed up most of the night last night and got up bright and early to get some work stuff done this morning.

It seems things from earlier this week have taken a nasty turn. But such is life, I've learned.

The main thing I've learned is I've gotta go with my gut 100% of the time. When I don't, people tend to prove me right and it's hardly ever a pleasant experience.

And I've also learned that sometime in the past few years a very vindictive, snotty little bitch has made herself a nice cozy little home in my brain. And she's about to make her debut in the world. This should be fun. :) (Think Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Only English/Scotch/Irish.)

But tra-la-la life goes on. Saturday, I'm heading to Arkansas for a night to pick up some furniture so my lovely little mother and sister can rest their heads comfortably while staying in my guest room. Then I'm stopping off in Tulsa on the way back to rendezvous with Mrs. Kueny. Good times.

Everybody have a fabulous weekend. Stay safe, have fun, and I'll see ya on the flip side.

98.9 is doing a survey. Hey kids, what's your biggest fear on prom night?

a) having a huge zit
b) falling down in front of your date
c) running out of cash

Is it just me or did anybody else think to themselves, ummmm... d) getting pregnant?

Who knows about kids these days, but I know my junior and senior big events like prom were full on parties. We had bigger things to worry about than zits and by the end of the night we most definitely would be falling down in front of our dates and fresh outta cash. But we had bigger things to worry about like what if the keg runs out, or what if we don't have enough cash to make bail, or what happens if mom or dad decides not to knock...

And I know Wayne posted this too, but...

Harry's gone bye-bye, he's gone to the big bye-bye.

He's got his name in the papers... on the back side.

It's Toe Tag Time in Teenville Tonight. Again.

You should've just said no, Harry.

He's not OD'ing. He's a freshman. Freshman don't OD.

Geez.

Whatcha think about the Daisy Manolos? Pretty spiffy, huh. Yeah I know it's not a picture of a naked chick, but I needed a change of scenery. See, it pays to know people. I've been begging Mannie for years to do a daisy theme. And FINALLY! Here they are! And they can be yours for only $645. You know you want them.

What a night. All I have to say is thank GOD for people who've got my back. If you're lucky, in life you'll have at least one person who'll die on that hill with ya if that's what needs to happen. Those are the best kinds of friends. And I wish you all one.

And I've just been informed that Snoop Dee-Oh-Double-Gee will be putting the bitch slap down on OKC like the ho she is at the zoo amphitheater on May 12th. Please mark your calendars, tell the homies, and secure your fifth of gin. West sii-eeeedddd up in tha heezie fra-sheezie! Fo shizzle. And what not.

It's now officially Thursday and I need to get my beauty sleep. But only just a couple of hours. I don't wanna make you guys feel bad. :)

Happy Thursday yo.

Dear God,

I know I went a little overboard last night. But I was having too much fun and he was too cute. So it's all your fault really. So with that in mind, could you please make the gurgling noises in my tummy stop? They hurt reeeaaalll bad. And that's just not cool.

Thanks.

Man, I feel like I've been hit by a mac truck. It's the combination of a long awaited show/party last night, drama at work, and the impending doom of the thirty plus pages I have to finish by next Thursday and haven't even started. Calgon, take me away!

And I'm wondering if I'll ever learn not to eat for like 12 hours after going on a drinking binge because every time I end up forcing myself to pray to the porcelain god to stop the unbearably nauseating vortex in my stomach.

Today I'm just wondering how brightly my star is shining in this Oklahoma sky.

It's dinner and much needed conversation at my 2nd favorite restaurant tonight, then I'm forcing myself to write write write. You may even get a little of my diatribe on the blog... or maybe over on ICR.

10-4 good buddy.

So yeah, my head is pounding right now, and has been since about 3 this afternoon.

But you know what, Mr. Hood was totally worth it. And it's the craziest thing... being his girlfriend definitely has its benefits.

I learned about a year ago at a Stoney show, when random girls ask you if you're with the guy on stage, you just say yes.

So I did. And I got to cut in line in the bathroom. Which was a reallllly good thing.

The look on his face was priceless when everybody started singing along to Double Wide Blues. Yeah, baby. The Oklahoma Girls know their Todd Snider. Don't underestimate us. Ok.

So it's official. I love him. And I mean LOVE as in have all of his babies love. Did anybody get a look at those lips? We're talking 2nd best lips of all time.

Today better be better than yesterday.

And that is all.

Ladies and gents,

Let the chips fall where they may. Truly. Today has been quite the day. It's been one of those days where you look back over the course of your life and you're thankful for the progress you've made, but you begin to understand that the battle is nowhere near over. And while I appreciate the different journeys and different paths people take, I've learned that it is critical to surround myself with those who are likeminded when working together to attain certain goals. And fate has taken another twist today in my little office on the south side. And I seemed to have lost what I thought was a good friend. What a huge professional learning experience. From now on, I go with my gut, no matter what. I lay it all out from the very beginning. Protocol, expectations, boundaries. We build a relationship from there, not the other way around. And I've always thought I was someone people could talk to, but maybe I need to work on that end of things a little. Maybe at work I need to be more attentive to those around me.

Thank God for the cheerleaders I have in the head honchos in charge. When discouragement sets in, they are there to squash it, stomp it, beat it to bloody death. I've decided I work better with men. It's very straight up and down. Very black and white. Lots of lists. Lots of "just get it freakin done and I don't care how you do it." And I dig that. Maybe my next hire will be a boy.

And I haven't gotten one thing done today that I set out this morning to do. I wrote 2 pages of my 25 pager due on Monday first thing this morning and Word ate it immediately. That's when I knew it was going to be a bad day. Maroline took the rest of the day off to go to the mall. That's starting to sound like a genius idea...

Send me good vibes, people. I need them right now.

Adam Hood Adam Hood Adam Hood Adam Hood



Tuesday night, April 26th. Classics. NW 83rd & Western.

I've waited 2 months for this.

Don't miss it.

Whaddaya say we skip class, go buy some flowers, get our hands dirty for a bit, then get into some in-depth study about American's distorted views of poverty?

Awwww... you talked me into it.

Just another manic Monday

I'm waiting for the rain.

Where are you rain?

Pinky's head over heels, Maroline has found the love of her life, and I've got two giggling girls sitting behind me in the office planning their sunset horseback rides on their honeymoons in Mexico.

When your courses are set, and a real dreamboat you’ve met, have a real cigarette, have a Camel!

I've got my courses, I've got my Camel, now where the hell's my dreamboat?

I stayed up too late last night and watched this documentary about a guy who photographs naked people in groups all over the country. There's nothing sexual about it. It's just huge groups of naked people. They showed him photographing at Burning Man and I looked reallllly closely, but no Jefe. Then he photographed 1200 people after a Phish concert. And let's just say these weren't people who... umm... groomed regularly. It was hair, hair, everywhere. Ick. I've got some wax those people need to try.

I've noticed I've been really sweet and lovey lately to people I'm not usually that way with. One in particular stopped and turned as he was walking out the front door, after I'd given him a goodnight kiss, and said, "Hmmm. You usually just tell me to put my clothes on and go home. You love me, I knew it!"

And for the record, I have never told anyone to put their clothes on and go home. Sure, I've wanted to a couple of times. But I've never actually done it. I'd like to think I'm just having more appreciation for the special people in my life at this point. It makes for a better time. Whaddaya know, I have a heart after all!

Anyway, carry on with your Mondays. And if the magnetic alphabet on your fridge ever spells Katch 'em, Kill 'em... don't waste the next 15 days trying to figure out what's going on. Just pack up the dog and get the hell out.

I SEEN YOUR PIC I WILL LIKE TO GET KNOWING YOU TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME.MY NAME IS WILL OR WILLIAM .I WILL LOVE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY IN LIFE BECUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEEL BEING ALONE.I M
24 /HT 5-10 /WT160 EYES HAZ

HERE IS MY E-MAIL HEMPWILL@AOL.COM

TO THE GIRL THAT MENT BE
THE ONE
??

OOooh Baby! I am good woman for you! We make beautiful babies and live happily life together!

Anyway, what a weekend. I've never slept so much in my life. Saturday I took a break from napping just long enough to dig a 3 foot deep hole in my front yard. I have this incessant need to plant flowers lately and the flower bed was completely overgrown with grass. And wild onions. And pencils and toys and hardened fluorescent green play-doh. That was a bitch. And then I put down some shade grass under the ginormous tree in the front yard. I'm tired of having to walk through the mud when it rains. I've been watering it religiously for 2 days and it's raining tonight. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see it rain. For once in my life, my plants aren't dying. This has got to be a good sign.

Well, this week is gonna be crazy. I've got 7 days to write 25 pages, citing 10 sources about the social issue of my choice. Then 2 more days to write a 7-10 pager about child and adolescent therapy. Yay me. And I get to start planning a golf tournament this week as well. But that should be fun. I love event planning when it's done right. Especially if it gets me a nice raise.

Cuz momma needs some new toys. Have fabulous Monday!

This one's for the girls...

I feel like I owe you something interesting. #1 because I haven't had anything interesting to say for a few days and #2 because it's exactly 3:35 a.m. And if it's not interesting at this point, it probably never will be. So, that said...

I am completely and totally 100% gay for Caroline. I am. And Kevin and I have discussed it and he says it's ok. As long as he's involved somehow.

I told him he could take notes.

Seriously, if I could build my ideal body... I mean, the picture of perfection for me... it would be her. So bless you dear. I love you and you are a goddess. And someday we will dance jigs at each other's weddings.

Which brings me to my next topic. And this might be totally boring but Oh well. I think it's cool. FLASHBACK to seventh grade when Whitney, Lori, Erin, & I used to bear the brunt of hour long chapel services every Thursday morning by lightly dragging our fingernails along the forearms of our counterparts, just because we discovered it felt good, and it passed the time. It sounds weird, I know. But these were the days when we still had no inhibitions about holding hands and skipping at recess or sitting together at the lunch table. We still had slumber parties and scared the bejesses out of each other while watching Jane of Lantern Hill at midnight.

Flashforward about 13 years to a wedding where the beautiful ceremony has been performed, the guests and family have gathered in the reception hall to celebrate the new couple, and the Maid of Honor is making her toast to the new, happy couple... well, more just toasting the bride than the both of them. The bride has been given away by her father, the vows have been said and the rings exchanged, and while ceremoniously contemplated by the bride, not a tear has been shed up to this point. Then it's time for the reception and the toast by the Maid of Honor, her childhood best friend, and the bride starts to cry. The best friend starts to cry. Every girl in crowd holding a flute of champagne gets misty eyed. Even though I feel like I'm losing you, I love you. And I wish the very best and utmost happiness for you in your new life... And we all drink, then the girls make their way to the dance floor for a half-drunken rendition of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

I watch all this go on, and I think of every Best Friend Forever I've had in my life. And I think of Angey, and Sarah, and Liz, and Lori, and Danielle, and Erin, and Whitney, and Jackie, and Dana, and Caroline. And there's something that keeps us together, even though I haven't seen some of them in years. There's just something that bonds girls together that not even boys can penetrate. And the boys, yes, we love them. They make our world's spin in motion. But our girls are family... they're the ones that keep these spinning masses of earthen matter from sinking under the weight of gravity. And that's something that doesn't go away.

And it's one thing among many that moves me. So, next time you're at a wedding that you absolutely cannot wait to get out of and are drinking your ass off at the open bar, watch the bride and the bridesmaids... and you'll understand.

I've got so much I could be doing today...

shopping, working in the yard, running up to the office, shopping...

but I keep getting pulled back under the covers....

Life is good.

The final will involve client-centered play in the sand tray...

So, this is what we do in grad school. We make therapeutic totem polls out of construction paper, pipe cleaner, and googley eyes.



We do this until we walk in the door at 10 p.m. after a long, hard day. Then we light one up, take a deep breath and blow that sweet goodness into kitty's face.

Yeah, he loves it.

And then we sit on the couch and wonder... why did we make dad be a bunny rabbit... and why the pink tail? Oooh and I hope we get to draw on the shaving cream table next time...

What. A. Day.

I've been up to my eyeballs ever since I opened my eyes and looked at the alarm clock this morning! 2 missed calls. One of them was my mom saying, This is mom. Call me back as soon as you get this message. I immediately went into panic mode thinking someone's been killed. So I called her back fully expecting to hear the tone in her voice that always reflects really bad news about to be divulged... and she said, Hey! I've got tickets to the Toby Keith concert and I wondered if you wanted them.

Relieved and a bit annoyed, I said, No thanks. Not a big Toby Keith fan. Give them to someone else.

Then I got in the shower and the phone started ringing off the wall again. I got annoyed and just shut the damn thing off. Give me a second to wake up, people! Cheese and rice! I am not a morning person at all. Trust me. You don't wanna bother me first thing in the morning.

And since then I've spent the day doing mindless payroll things and directing dad to all the little things that need to be fixed around this place... the toilet that won't stop running, the countertop that needs to be attached to the cabinets, the full length mirror that leans too far backward, the shipping costs that can't be edited on "immediate payments" through paypal... thank God for a dad who's wrapped around his little girl's finger.

Tonight it's class and well, who knows what else. Hopefully I'll stay in and nothing eventful will happen. I'm due for some down time. And I'm wading through piles and piles of random clothes and junk mail in every room of the house. I should probably do some cleaning.

Come over and help if you want. :) I promise you'll be amply rewarded.

I had the strangest dreams last night. And they all involved this guy, my fire blowing friend. And if you've ever seen that Mandy Moore movie, Saved!, (which I highly recommend... hysterical... an exact replica of my childhood) one of them was a lot like that too. Must have been the margaritas.

Anyway, I had an interesting early morning query today from a little chicky who's just recently acquired a new significant other and was pondering the reasons for her difference in, well, tearing up the sheets with one and being a bit more reserved with the other. I have no idea what her reasons are for this, but if it was me, I would probably be more reserved with someone I a) didn't feel as comfortable with in the relationship and/or b) I thought he preferred a more reserved girl at bedtime.

(By the way, I, personally, would never date B guy. Just personal preference. But to each her own.)

But we all function differently in different relationships. Hopefully it all works out in the end. And if it doesn't, I hear Sharper Image is running a special on neck massagers. :)

This song. Yeah.

Did someone say Cabana Boys?

Screw San Diego. I just booked 2 nights in a Deluxe Suite at this place for a ridiculously low amount of money. It pays to read your junk mail, apparently.

Yes, I'd like to have a manicurist and a pedicurist sent to room 313. And please tell them to knock softly, my friend is in the middle of a much needed massage. And please have the valet bring the car around at 7 p.m. for dinner.

Thanks.

Short skirt season is upon us, boys and girls. I love summer! One little bitty thing to keep in mind though. Don't wear short skirts to the bar. Well, at least not to the bar this guy is at. He has a camera and he's not afraid to use it. Trust me. And it won't be a pretty picture.

So to address the issue at hand of people being "too nice" and always being the failsafe friend who seems to get shat upon in matters of the heart. Well, dear, I have no definitive answers for you. However, having been on both sides of that very uncomfortable fence, I do have some experience in the matter, as most of us probably do.

There was this one specific boy in my life from the time I was 12 until I was 21. We pretty much grew up together and he pretty much had a crush on me the entire time, or so he says. As most of you probably already know, I spent the better part of those years preoccupied with the bad boy that my parents forbid me to see (but I saw him anyway) and spent my few, spare single intervals with fallback boy, failsafe friend, gorgeous, sweet, generous, compassionate, too nice Joshua. I worked this boy every which way but loose, just because he was at my every beck and call, for the better part of nine years. He was always right there, the second the Prodigal Son and I would have a fight or when he would cheat on me. He was there every time I thought I had changed my mind and wanted a nice boy. The very last time we were together there was even talk of marriage. But inevitably, it ended the same way every single time. He was just too nice. He was just too available. I needed something worse. Immediately following our last little stint as a couple, I left town for a few months. I eventually came to my senses and called off the circus with the bad boy and came back to town... to find Josh had proposed to his fallback girl, failsafe friend, gorgeous, sweet, and very available best friend who had seen him through all the times I had broken his heart.

And don't worry, this story has a happy ending! Both the bad boy and Josh are married with children and I, well, I blog every day.

Anyway, a few years later I would find myself in dear Joshua's shoes. And now I know what it feels like to want something better for someone you care deeply about only to be kept on that great friend level. And I can't say that's wrong. Because we all need different things, and we all need great friends in our lives. The only thing I can come up with is that it's a matter of timing. We all go down different paths in life. I firmly believe that my path will cross with that failsafe friend who will become much more than that when it's supposed to happen. I've learned many things in the last two years, most important being that I can not limit myself to who I let in my heart. I can not simply write them off or throw them out the window or keep them at a distance because they're "not my type" at first glance. If I cannot find beauty in every living, breathing human being, it's because I choose not to.

And before I get a shower of comments about how stupid girls are who want the bad boys and how nice guys always finish last, you know what I say about that. Nice guys finish. And I honestly think once a girl grows up and gets a little perspective in her life, she'll value those qualities in her good friend that she used to push to the side to revel in the abuse that the star football player heaped upon her. And honestly, if she's not at a place in her life where she can truly value those qualities in you, you don't want to be with her. She's not ready for you and you deserve more.

And that is all.

And here's a question:

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a guy say, "I'll never understand women," I'd have a couple of pairs of these.

So what is it specifically that you don't get?

Destino: from the latin root, Destinare

You can't tell me you haven't had one unforgettable moment, because I know you've had thousands. We're having one right now! I'm in my wedding dress! Those are the things to notice.

People, I know my birthday's 6 months away, but Maroline is buying me Only You. It's like my ultimate ALL time FAVORITE movie.

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone! You're nuts about me! We were made for each other!!

See, the fact that I was TWO FEET AWAY from RDJr. himself and didn't scream DAMON BRADLEY! is a miracle in itself. Truly.

You know what I hate? When you're getting gas and you're done and the wind is blowing and as you're putting the nozzle back in the nozzle-holder-thingy gas blows all over you.

Nobody wants to lick toes that smell like gasoline.

Dixie says she's confident I'll find my Peter Wright. And I say, maybe I'll just find my Mr. Wright Now. And eventually, if he's the right guy, that now part will just... drop away.

Is this the Glickman bar mitzvah? Moisha? You here?

High five for the clean punani!

Well, I'm glad you chose number one. Because the first time I did coke was pretty uneventful. Talk about let down. It was cool and all but it was kinda like bad sex, over before you really get a chance to enjoy it.

Now, to the business at hand: in talking about getting in on while intoxicated, there are several different factors one must take into account. First of all, it definitely makes a difference if only one of you is drunk. Secondly, who your partner in crime is definitely factors in. I for one would like to say, if I can at all help it, I will never again have sex with someone who's been drinking when I've been sitting at home watching movies all night sans a bottle of wine or Tuaca. Because after about twenty minutes, I'm good. And the last two hours are sheer agony. Is he ever going to be done? And the last one followed me into the shower. I was trying to escape after telling him maybe we should call it a night after a good three hours of giving it the old college try. That was a little annoying. And not so productive either.

However, if both parties have been doing shots all night (preferably body shots) the story can end quite differently. Well, ok, maybe it doesn't end differently, but you definitely have a better time getting there. I can't speak for everyone, but I know I prefer a stout drink (or five) before getting naked with anyone because I feel more comfortable and have more fun because I'm not so worried whether or not he's looking at my back fat or my stretch marks or the cellulite on the back of my thighs. And I'm likely to be more aggressive. And apparently boys like that sort of thing. *winks* However, if I've pushed the limit and had one too many, it's going to be kind of a, how shall we say, numbing experience. You can't feel a damn thing and the room still spins when you close your eyes. It's when you strike that perfect happy, woozey balance that things tend to work out best. Not only is it more fun but you tend not to mind so much when it takes him two hours to...umm... finish.

So my only advice is that moderation and bravery are the keys. And don't do it with someone that you'll throw yourself off the Motel 6 balcony for in the morning. If you're not "with" the person, make sure they're somebody who can handle the no strings attached thing. Especially if he likes to rip your panties off. Because knowing those things about a person can become uncomfortable in social settings with the wrong person. Other than that, just be safe, let loose, and have fun.

And if your wife is going to call, put the phone on silent for chrissakes.

That's it. No more. It's over.

Many thanks to Pinky who popped in tonight to remind me I still have archived stuff from the old website out on the www... She sent me a link to a page from almost exactly a year ago. My how things have changed.

It's sad really.

I had quite the penchant for an intermittent utterance of the word fuck in all it's glorious forms. And asshole too. I was actually getting emails from strangers asking if I really lived the life I talked about in my blog.

If a stranger were to send me an email today, he'd say, Cool. You have a job. And you go to school. And you want a boyfriend. How interesting and unequivocally unique.

Fuck this.

I changed everything just because I got worried about what you would think of me because of what I wrote. Like something was really on the line. I have no idea why I started caring. Well, those days are over.

So which do you want to hear about first:

1) What girls are really thinking when we're having drunk sex or

2) The first time I did coke

Take your pick. The nice girl's taking a vacation.

And just to show you how stupid some people really are... apparently somebody left a hug box of pads and tampons outside our front door at work this weekend. HELLO. Besides just the general grossness of that type of donation, the big sign out front, yeah, it has the word PREGNANCY in it. Generally not a big demand for those items here.

Dumbass.

I'm in the mood. So let's talk about boys, shall we? Yes, it's been the subject of late, but it's spring. What do you expect? If I wanna get deep and philosophical with you, I'll do it later tonight after my two hour session with the Prada heels and handbags parading as social activists.

Have you ever wanted to take little pieces of all the boys you've ever known and wrap them all up into one? That would be perfect. Like that whole weird build-a-bear thing. 'Cept it would be build-a-boy. Let's see if I can list all of the things I'd put in the pot.

Someone's sweet side but mixed with this other guy's sweet side. They're both just so... sweet... at the right moment. You know, when you least expect it.

The introspection of that guy over there.

The intelligence of that cute one right there. With the long hair, that's the one.

The lips of that one boy who lives up north. And the hands of the boy who makes me watch movies with subtitles.

And the playfulness of the boy who only calls after 2 a.m.

Oh yeah, and the stubbornness of the one I'll never go back to. Must have that.

Roll them all into one and I'd be in heaven. And a few of them aren't too far away from it anyway. :) God bless the boys.

And God bless Stevie Nicks. It's just one of those days.

Slam, bam, thank you ma'am!

What a day this has started out to be! Wow. I won't bore you with the details... but let's just say I've been slammed since the minute I walked in this place. There must be something about spring that makes people wanna do it like bunny rabbits, resulting in an extremely hectic work schedule for me...

And there are depressed people coming out of the woodwork... calling on the phone... coming in to talk... man. This time of year just screws everybody up. Well, that's what I'm here for! Let's all take a big, deep breath and say, "I'm good enough! I'm smart enough! And doggonit, people like me!"

There. Doesn't that feel better?

--------------------------------------------------

By the way, today is the newest Mrs. Kueny's birthday... she's the big, bold 26! Get it girl. Hope your fifth graders are doing fabulously and that your husband is still the hottest hottie husband I've ever seen. :)

What a fabulous weekend...

Sometimes it's good to just relax... not spend much money, not have any plans set in stone, and just ride the wave. You'd think at the end of these weekends, my house would be the cleanest. But no, it's exactly the opposite. You can tell I've been in and out and lounging around by the contents of my bed room and living room floors. Magazines, dirty plates, Walgreens bags, half full glasses, blankets and pillows everywhere...

Caroline and I hooked up for dinner tonight and had some wonderful conversation, as usual. Caroline has the most wonderful way of describing things. It's like she feels them all over again... *shivers*... and we started talking about that moment, and hopefully you have one, when your mind takes a picture that no camera could ever hope to capture... that image that's so beautiful and revelatory that it's burned onto your brain quite possibly for the rest of your life. And I have one. And only one. Yeah, I have lots of memories but one split second moment in time stands out the most in my mind when I think of my mind's eye and the things it takes in... a boy, with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, head on a borrowed pillow, looking up at me. Snapshot. It's one of those moments you don't forget.

The wind is blowing outside. It is quite possibly the most perfect spring night yet. Brings back memories of tall fields, full moons, warm sleeping bags and warmer breath... skin in the wind. You can't beat it.

Boys and girls, when TJ comes to town, that's the one night I let myself get completely outta control. Totally drunk and stupid. Throw caution to the wind, stand at the front of the stage and make a total fool out of yourself. Rock n roll. Shane even let me play his bass for a minute. There was much Jager to be had, there were no "parking situations," and Ricky even gave me a nice parting gift. Man, I love those guys. And thanks to Maroline for the nice camera work...

I'm so tired my eyes are closing involuntarily. I'm sure all my 80's rock counterparts are still partying their respective asses off at the Motley Crue show. Good for them.

Meanwhile, I've been on the computer for the last everloving hour trying to locate a hotel in the general vicinity of Los Angeles, California that is more than $60 and night and less than $660. Every stinking single freaking one of them is booked. Can someone please tell me what in God's name is going on in Los Angeles on May 18th?? Am I missing something here? Is the new pope planning a visit? Is that it? Because at this point, Maroline and I are just going to plant our behinds firmly on the exact spot River Phoenix OD'd outside the Viper Room and wait for Johnny Depp to take us home. And let us stay for two nights.

Well my sparkly bubbles are filling the tub and then it's to bed... and up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 9 a.m. to get the last minute tax stuff wrapped up for work. Then it's a sprint to 10 p.m. where I will be more inebriated than I've been since... Roger Clyne, baby. It's gonna be another one of those nights. I hope. And since there seems to be drama oozing out of everyone's ears lately... if you've got drama, stay home tomorrow night or just at the other end of the bar... or drink it all outta your system... cuz Ash's got no drama tomorrow. Only Jager, loud southern rock, and good times.

Party on party people let me hear some noise
DG's in the house jump jump rejoice
Party over here party over there
Wave your hands in the air shake your derriere
These three words when you're gettin busy
Whoomp there it is

Hit me.

What a DAY this has been. Ho. Lee. Cow.

Normally, I dig working by myself because I have time to get all my stuff done. Today I had clients coming out my ears. It was a nice change, to get away from the administrative side of things for a while and get back to the nitty gritty.

Man, sometimes you just forget how crazy some people's lives are... some people just don't get it... you know that thing that's moving around in your belly... that big pooch you've got there... yeah, that's a baby that's gonna be here in about 3 1/2 months whether you like it or not. I know you haven't taken a test yet, and I know you haven't been to the doctor, but it's not something you can just get rid of at this point, no matter how much you want to ignore it... babe, it's not just gonna go away. Man. I was never that young and naive, I'm pretty sure. But I guess denial is a big deal for some people.

Gettin' geared up for the girls' trip out west. I'm PUMPED. I still haven't booked our 2nd hotel in LA yet. I'm thinking Santa Monica but I've gotta find the perfect one... Yay beach! Yay start tanning now so I don't come back with blisters!

Have you ever made a phone call and the second the person answered on the other end you knew it was a bad decision? The crap I put myself through all in the name of keeping things interesting. Oh well, maybe he won't show up... or maybe he will...

I'm super excited about gettin' the hell outta this state. Can't come fast enough.

And I talked to a cute boy last night. KA-YOOOOT! Yum yum! But no more boys for me thanks. I've had enough rejection for one lifetime. I'm going to revert to my crazy, neurotic 7th grade English teacher's theory, if it's meant to be, he'll be divinely directed to my doorstep with a ring. We won't have to date.

I'll keep ya posted! Have a good one!

Random thoughts...

Sometimes things work out just like you think they will and it makes you smile. Kinda. Except you wish things weren't so predictable all the time.

People who work in food service who don't listen bother me. I said HONEY MUSTARD. That doesn't even remotely sound like Ranch. How in the world do you get the two confused?

The cool thing about being sick is that afterwards you can't eat for anything. Three bites of my ranch instead of honey mustard salad and it went back in the fridge.

I don't want to sound like some kind of elitist snob, but I really am disappointed in the level of how shall we say, academic aptitude, in my program at OU. It feels like a total waste of four hours out of my week. I found out last week that OCU was going to start offering an accelerated one year behavioral science masters program next fall. I held my breath and emailed one of my professors only for him to tell me it's a lot of organizational methods with focus on counseling in groups, but a "really slick program" nonetheless. But not exactly what I'm aiming for. So I guess I have to stay where I am. And I guess I have to drag my butt to class tonight for two hours on this gorgeous day just to listen to people state the obvious.

Caroline and I ran into my friend Kindra from OCU yesterday while hanging out in the pool at the gym. I saw a red pony tail hiding behind a Kurt Vonnegut book and thought, that's gotta be Kindra. And sure enough. Some of my greatest college memories are with that girl... drinking with professors, the Copa on graduation night, getting pulled over by the cops in front of her house for absolutely nothing while she and Jamie watched from the window hoping 1) that I didn't have any paraphernalia in the car and 2) that I wouldn't turn them in... drinking on the roof of her house and waking up the neighbors... man, good times. She said the Violent Femmes are playing at UCO next Wednesday. More debauchery to ensue.

I've got a lot to do today. But I've got five hours to get it all done. And I just don't feel the need to rush. Everybody get happy!

Yeah, I dig hot wax.

But not so much when it's being ripped off my body in tiny little strips. Although, I gotta say I thought Caroline and I were pretty close to begin with, but now, well, there's not much left she doesn't know about me. Good times. Kinda. But hey, I came out of it silky smooth. :)

So against my better judgment I went to the Cody/Stoney show tonight. Paid fifteen bucks for it. Wednesday nights end up kinda weird sometimes. You want it to be a weekend, but it's just not. I made it out of the bar, probably for the first time ever, without even so much as a buzz. (Unlike a few people around me, ahem.)

Good times, though. I love just takin' it easy and hanging out without having to check my schedule to see who's playing where and on what night. Sometimes it's just less pressure. Leaves the door open to more interesting things, maybe?

But not Friday. It doesn't get more interesting than me getting shit canned to eighties music with Texas Jack. That's my party night. So I'm savin' up.

So on a side note: do any of you ever get the urge to look someone square in the eyes and say, "Boooooriiinnng!" Or maybe when you're reading something, say an email or something of the like, that doesn't strike your fancy, do you find yourself saying, "Please forgive me if my sympathy meter falls just short of I don't give a shit." Or maybe if they're in your face talking about something you care nothing about, quoting Jack Ingram and saying, "Could ya just f*%$ off?" Or maybe like Chad says, "Man, shut the f*%$ up! And I mean that in the nicest way possible!" I'm a nice girl, but sometimes I find the inner me screaming. This is probably not good and could probably be fixed with years of therapy. And befor the drama starts, no I'm not talking about any of you. I love you all. ALL! :)

Anyway, Happy Thursday!

Re: In response to the Open Letter to Condom Manufacturers by Ms. MadDater

Dear Ms. MadDater,

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a condom manufacturer, but I found your letter intriguing and something I'm sure many women, myself included, have come up against at some point in time. Currently, I've had no use for any kind of protective gear as it pertains to getting it on, but in my glory days I found myself in a similar quandary.

First off, someone I had been seeing on a regular basis required, shall we say, a larger prophylactic selection than your normal, average, every-day Joe. After some time, and after getting on the pill, we no longer felt the need for such devices and went on about our... ahem... activities. So, needless to say, I had leftovers that were promptly stored away in that place where everybody keeps their unmentionables. As things normally go, someone else eventually entered the picture and the need for a little more security promptly presented itself. After we got past that unfortunate awkward moment where he laughed in unbelief and said, "You have condoms?!?" (No, dear. I'm the Virgin Mary. You are my first. I want this to be special. That little square package is a figment of your imagination, I promise. How naive of him to think he would have gotten that far if I had been unprepared), and after I got past that split second of feeling like two dollar hooker for having them handy (when in reality, I could have been accurately called the two dollar whore if I would have let him have his way with me without one), the panic set in because I only had the large leftovers. And well, I wasn't sure this was a one-size-fits-all moment.

But what the hey. We might as well try, right?

Bingo. Apparently, there's only a slight difference in size between the regulars and the Magnums. A variety pack would indeed be handy dandy, but if you find yourself in a jam, no worries. Pull out that little gold wrapper and watch his eyes light up. He'll be inspired, I promise. And as long as you're not dealing with a substantial difference in size, he'll be on the phone first thing in the morning calling up the natural male enhancement herb company volunteering to do late night infomercials for them.

Much love,

Daisy Girl

You guys sure like talking about oral sex, don't you? ;)

Perverts.

Well, well, well. Guess who ventured out into the sunlight today?

It burns! It burns!

I came to work to find a nice cluttered desk piled high with mail and sticky notes. Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go!

Well, not really. Basically I just finished filing my taxes today. Let's just say having ties to the non-profit world has it advantages. And I won't go into my whole theory about how I think social service workers shouldn't have to pay income tax because basically we've devoted our lives to saving the government money by providing services to those who otherwise would be a drain on the welfare system... but whatever.

I need new tires in the most ungodly way. I was thinking on the way to work today, if I buy one tire a month, in four months I'll have a brand new set of tires. Then I got to work and filed my state taxes and said, What the hay, I'll just buy all four of them now. :) Nothing makes you feel like you have a brand new car like driving on 4 new tires.

When did my threshold of excitement become so minimal? New tires. Yippee kye ay! Let's have a party!

So Dixie and I are going to make use of the gym this afternoon. We're going to walk right through all the hot, sweaty people running their asses off and say, Good job, girls! But we're just here for the hot tub. Carry on! I am really super missing my workouts but I get light headed going from the living room to the kitchen at this point, so I think I better give it a few more days. But not too long b/c Miss Maroline and I are getting our charitable contribution on in the Memorial 5k Walk/Run on the 24th. Just doing our part, ya know. If you've never been in the Memorial Marathon or watched any of it live and in person, you should venture downtown that Sunday around 10 a.m. and just stand at the finish line. What a cool experience.

Well, I guess I got nothin' else right now. Keep on keepin' on my good friends. I love you ALL! Very Much!

10-4 good buddy.

Over and out.

So 6,000 people in America lose their virginity every day. Wow. Where are their parents?

Downstairs.

Right. And women are apparently more likely to go down on their significant others than men are. Boys. Come on. Be the hero.

Well, I have nothing useful to contribute to the world this evening. My voice is completely gone and it's time for me to hit the hay.

Buenas Noches!

Lovely

You can only watch Doc Day on Sundance for so long. So I decided to take a break and sweat the fever out while reading JF's latest installment on Hook Echoes.

I'm going to make it a point five years from now to still be reading HE. I know I'm going to end up in one of those effing stories. :)

From the bat cave...

I've been camped on the couch all day and for the last hour I've been watching Matthew McCoughnahey's road trip press junket special on E!. He is one cool cat. Just hanging out with people in camp grounds cooking out and goin' fishin' and no doubt having a couple of tasty treats along the way.

So I had a massive scare today when I finally got up the nerve to look at my tonsils in the mirror. (I took a picture for you but it didn't really turn out.) There are some really lovely white pussy spots on my left tonsil. Luckily, my doc got me in within 30 minutes and the strep test came back negative. She says the reason I've stayed sick for so long is because I've never treated my over active allergies. So it looks like I'm going to be taking meds from now on for this business. But she loaded me up on meds to get me through the next couple of days and if this fever would let up, I'd be golden.

Mom's gonna bring me some fruits and veggies tonight since I've been eating nothing but chicken noodle soup and cereal for the past 72 hours.

I'm still alive. So don't worry. :) And I think I'm gonna be takin' it easy this week.

Alright alright alright.

Well, it's about that time. The floaty feeling is kicking in. I've called lil' K to let her know she'll be uncontaminated by my germs tomorrow as I will not be on the premises. She's really stepped up lately. It's really interesting to see her coming into her own, kind of making that transition from student to professional, from girl to woman in charge. God blesser.

Dad came by tonight, bag full of syruppy/pill formed/theraflu strips in hand. He always overcompensates. And I love that about him. He's the kind of guy that if he doesn't know exactly which kind of ice cream you like, he'll bring you three gallons to choose from. So consequently, I've got some Robitussin Flu, Nyquil Cold & Flu, Theraflu strips, Ibuprofen, and Alkaseltzer Flu. I've got enough pseudoephedrine here to really have some fun with. Honestly, I'm surprised the pharmacy tech at Walgreens didn't call the cops on him. :)

I'll be spending tomorrow doing my routine since 6:30 a.m. Saturday morning making my way from bed to bathroom to couch to bathroom to bedroom. And Maroline has bestowed upon herself the title of Vitamin Po-Po so this madness can come to an end. I start feeling better then ditch those little pills, because I'm She-Ra! Princess of Power!

Well, obviously not.

Have a fabulous Monday and hopefully Tuesday I'll be back in fighting form.

It's days like this that I wish having copious amounts of Demerol laying around the house was legal. I'd put that needle in my arm and wake up rarin' to go Tuesday morning.

Tell your friends and family.

Warn your neighbors.

Set me at the city gate.

I am cursed.

I'm pretty sure I have the flu. It's never a good sign when you can literally feel your bones grating against each other in your joints when you make even the tiniest of movements. Even my hands hurt.

I feel like Job.

Dropping out of college to take Cake Decorating classes at the Vo-Tech:
Not really an option.

He said I was "Instant smiles."

Somebody who says you're "instant smiles" is worth sticking around for. Right?

One would think so.

Once again, a late night and a bottle of red wine has proven to me that friends are indispensable assets in my life. Especially friends that call me on the carpet... which most of mine do.

There are so many thoughts swirling in my head right now that I don't know where to begin. See, to me it seems like you've censored yourself more lately than you used to. True enough. But I'm on my way to striking a balance. And balance is something that is central to every area of my life. It doesn't always work the way I want it to, but I always strive for it.

If there's one thing that's become clear to me tonight, it's that we, as humans, are all on the same playing field. No matter how different we seem to be, no matter what path we are on, every single one of us has cried alone at some point. And if we are honest, every one of us needs a minute to feel bitter about it. Some of us move on quickly, and some of us may still have years to go. Your defining moment will come. And I hope it brings you to your knees, and I hope you stand up a different person. A changed person. A free person.

And I've learned, and constantly have to keep reminding myself, that I can't bring about that change in anyone's life. I am not anyone's savior. And most of me doesn't want to be. But there's still this tiny little part of me that wants you to look in the mirror and into the faces of your family and co-workers every day and know that you're good enough to stand on your own and that you don't need to be saved... or invest your life trying to throw out life preservers to other drowning people when you, yourself, are fighting for air.

But I can't rearrange your furniture. It's your house. We all had or will have that moment when we can say, this is when my life changed. This is when I chose this road. And I am utterly thankful for everything that's happened along the way, even if it seemed horrible at the time. A time when you realize you don't have to spend your life living with guilt and shame for things in your past because you, inherently, are lovable. I wish, for you, that moment. And if you haven't had it, I hope it comes soon.

And most of all I wish for quietness, and for laps to rest on, and for fingers through hair, and peaceful sleep with another. I wish that for me. And I think that moment will come. And I'd like to say I hope it's soon. But mostly I just hope it... is.

So today must be the day for family crises.

Wonderful.

One of my best good friends is going through an ordeal with his father and I sincerely wish them all the best. And that feels like a really stupid thing to say right now. But that's how these things go. And sometimes you don't even need to say anything.

I got a call from my mom tonight. Yeah, she's moving in with me for SIX WHOLE WEEKS. She sold her house tonight and needs a place to stay from May 20th til the wedding the last week in June. Well, I moved back in with her for two years, I guess the least I could do is let her stay with me for six weeks. And Dani's going to be home some of that time too. I don't know where all of these people are going to sleep. No one wants to sleep with me cuz I snore. And I only have one tiny twin bed in the guest room.

Well, thankfully, Dixie's volunteered her couch... so maybe I'll crash over there a night or two. This wouldn't be such a big deal except I should have spent many a year and a pretty penny in therapy over my mother's OCD need to have everything clean and in its proper place TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY. Hey, most days my entire wardrobe is draped over my footboard and my sink is piled high with dirty dished and there is dust everywhere. Well, maybe she'll clean for me. GAAHHH! It's going to be junior high all over again.

Except... I said, "Mom, you know I keep crazy hours most of the time..." She said, "I know you do. It's ok."

Yeah, it better be.

I wonder if she'll have a problem with the vodka, rum, tuaca, and pina colada mix in the fridge. Oh well. She'll just have to join in!

Well, I'm gonna go start The Sweetest Thing and try to let this whole ordeal wash away.

8 a.m.'s going to come too soon.

Wow.

Ok. I guess luck does have a lot to do with pretty much everything. For the last probably 16 hours I haven't been able to blog (except for those 2 sentences last night which published totally by chance) because I had messed something up in my IE. (Or at least I'm assuming this is the case because everyone else seemed to be getting to our beloved blogger just fine.)

I don't know what I pushed, but finally after an hour of what I thought was screwing up my computer more than it already was to begin with, something magical happened and here I am.

My lawn is supposed to be getting mowed today, and I really hope the dude shows up. My house is starting to look abandoned. But on the other hand, my flowers are doing beautifully! Daisies all around! Well, I am in need of roughage. My pantry and my fridge have been without sustenance for quite some time now and it's time. This place needs a deep clean too. And I have one of my great great aunt's chairs that needs to be recovered. Maybe I'll get all of it done today.

Looking forward to a quiet weekend with no worries, no drama, and no hangovers. Working the Redbud Classic Saturday morning and speaking in a church downtown Sunday morning. Fun times.

TGIF and have a fabulous day!
-------------------------------------------

The lawn boys are here. Yay! Oh to be a high school kid again...

I bought a crap load of food at the grocery store. Maroline has inspired me. She always has something to fix for dinner. And now I do too. So I'll be cooking tonight. Anybody who wants to can join. :) Angus burgers, homemade pizza, a kick ass chicken taco salad, grilled chicken w/ tomato basil pasta and alfredo, an italian alfredo chicken mix...

Decisions decisions. I'm hungry.

So I'm sittin' here eating my brown sugar pop tarts being bored out of my ever loving mind and trying to refrain from posting a post-feminist rant about sexuality over on ICR. But the subject is tired. And I'm tired. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love reading what the guys are writing, but I'm tired of arguing that sexuality and women's bodies aren't things to be ashamed and embarrassed about. Even though I don't really believe that, personally. But whatever. I'm a walking contradiction. You should have known this by now.

I booked mine and Maroline's rooms in the OC in May. First floor, ocean view, baby. We're going to make mad, passionate, sweet lesbian love to the sound of the waves. Only without touching. Cuz that's the way we roll, we roll... :) And she'll scream, You bitch! You never hold me afterwards!

Tough cookies, kiddo.

Yep, I'm delirious for sure. This is the most god awful slowest day of my life. Something exciting should happen! NOW!

Well, from what I can remember, I think I was front and center on the party train last night.

So was this girl! :) It was good fun for the whole family.

So I'm making a 2 disc compilation of Greatest Hits Ultimate Faves for Maroline just so she'll have a chance the next time Ragan accosts her and says, "Who's this?!"

Man, I almost fell asleep on the way to work this morning. Wow. And I obviously have nothing useful to say except DON'T EAT TACO BELL PAST MIDNIGHT. Trust me on this one.

So boogie on reggae woman. And bring me some caffeine. Please.

Cobra Kai Sucks!

And Bleu wasn't drunk...

And I'm the Virgin of Guadalupe... and I've got the roses to prove it.

I drove past the old hacienda tonight on my way home. (Just because Tacky Taco is right across the street.) And man, memories. What a freakin' great year and a half that was. All good times. Hello! Gheh-ttoh!! But that tiny little garage apartment was where I had some pretty significant firsts...

My first time to live completely on my own by myself...

The first time I figured out being in love isn't supposed to hurt...

The first time I wasn't scared to use a gun... :)

Great times and great friends. So far I haven't had any firsts in this house. Somebody please step up, ok. I have no idea what I haven't experienced, but I know there's got to be tons of things out there.

I'm tired and work tomorrow is going to suck. But hopefully it all works out in the end.

Like everything does. And here's an award winning haiku for all those parents out there paying the big bucks for tuition... inspired by two girls walking by on campus...

When he found out he
Was like Oh my god! And I
Was like Oh my god!

I hated Proust until tonight when Billy Collins referenced him vaguely and I knew exactly who and what he was talking about. F'n Proust. But now I feel smart.

It's all good. Yay weekend!

Word to the wise:

Don't ever leave your contacts in a glass of water out of desperation of having no where else to put them. Just throw the suckers away. You're gonna have to after that anyway.

Man, that was just a bad night all around. Oh well. Lesson learned.

I'll start out by saying thanks to Mr. Ray over at JP Dogma and David Dogma for letting me hear some Buffet from Santa Barbara last night. :) I was hoping for a good drunk post afterwards, but I suppose getting schnockered by 9 p.m. doesn't really lend itself to much writing later...

Anyway, this morning was very cool. It was standing room only. I got to see some of the people I graduated with and congratulations to Mark and Elizabeth for staying together... (see archived post about Elizabeth's small town girl make over to fit into Mark's BMW world) And it was great to be greeted with huge smiles and hugs from Dr.S, Dr.K, and Dr.W. I'm telling you, I was the poster child for what education could do to turn a person's life around and I think they take a bit of pride in having a part in that, as they should. And man, I miss that place. Going back is like going home. And I get to do it again tonight.

Billy Collins was great. He's most famous for being a poet that most anybody can relate to. His passion is getting people involved in poetry at an early age and outside of school. I agree with him that the reason most people don't like poetry is because they had to read the standard canon of poets who were hard to read and whose poems were reduced to a set of study questions in high school. Not everybody is going to like the same kinds of writing and not everybody is ready to read certain writers, and forcing students into a box when it comes to poetry is a sure-fire way to turn them off for life. He's also known as a poet who's brought humor back into poetry. He says the romantic poets were the death of humor in poetry (which is totally true). "Coleridge and Wordsworth took sex and humor out of their poems and replaced it with landscape." Blech. I prefer not to even go there. Although, there is one Wordsworth poem I enjoy, "We are Seven." Anyway, a high school girl in the audience asked him how old he was when he started writing and he said like most writers, he started at an early age and somehow managed to not have the art beaten out of him during adolescence... during the "onslaught of the mirror and magazines." Somehow, some of us survived.

I thought of two of you today during our little talk...

A teacher raised her hand and said her students would be "daring the undertaking of 'The Wasteland'" this week and wondered if he had any tips on how to make it easier/better. My response would have been, "Yeah, skip it." But I could hear a certain individual arguing in my head about how Eliot has mastered the used of words and metaphor and blah blah blah... Collins' response was to have them read it outloud, because Eliot was meant to be heard and don't be afraid of silence. Sometimes collective silence can be a powerful learning tool.

At the very beginning of his talk this morning he was talking about the different definitions of poetry how none of them seemed to completely encompass the essence of poetry except for one phrase, "Poetry is the synthesis of Hyacinths and biscuits." It's the melding together of the ordinary and the extraordinary, emotion and order, life and death. And then he said this:

In ambiguity and uncertainty, poetry finds its home.

We can make it what we want it to be, as public or as private as it needs to be, as revealing or as veiled as we are comfortable with. So be comfortable in your vagueness, your ambiguity, and your uncertainty. Revel in it. There's something beautiful in there. And let it out as it asks you to.

So I laid off the 151 tonight. I think it's the springtime. Makes me wanna do different things. Although, M and I did have (well, mostly me) a few JD Country Cocktails before going out. Ahhh, memories. Those were the good 'ol days. "You have to drink all four of them really fast to feel anything." Riiiight.

I was supposed to post about boys tonight but I'm not inebriated enough to say what I'm really thinking about. And tomorrow I'll be all enamored with the thought of moving to the west coast and becoming a writer, so you probably won't get it then either.

Suffice it to say that there are just some boys (not many, but some) who just appreciate the female being. Not necessarily the body, but just all the things females bring to the table, or the couch, or the living room floor and what have you. We, as girls, can pick up on these things pretty quickly, even in our guy friends. And those are the best kind of guy friends to have... the ones you can be completely 100% yourself with, all the time... the ones who make you feel pretty for no reason at all. We don't find that often in friends. And when we do, we'd kinda like to keep them around. Maybe it's like the reason why straight girls go to gay bars. They know they're going to have a good night and have fun and be able to totally be themselves without having to wonder if they're saying the right things, and if the guy across the table thinks she's worthy of his attention or not.

So yay for good boy friends. Every girl should have one. :)

I feel a really sweet 151-induced post about boys coming on tonight... I've discovered my favorite kind, and they should all be like that.

Had a great run today. It's amazing how much better you feel after that. It's weird what it does to your sex drive too. Holy crap!

So it's off to Maroline's for a movie and Pre-Tuesday Night Party drinks and revealing of girly secrets.

Oh if you could only be a fly on that wall. You'd know the secret of life, that's for sure.

Wow. Check this guy out! He might be my www, innernet soulmate.

...even though I don't believe in soulmates...

either way, good job man. you said things I couldn't.

Alright. No more jokes about Arkansas.

So I'm listening to a little Marc Broussard this morning. (Sorry babe, I couldn't wait.) If that song "Home" doesn't elicit speeds worthy of a hefty ticket, nothing will.

When I walked out my door this morning I noticed my English Daisies seemed quite happy to be home. I thoroughly expected them all to be dead by sunrise. But it's quite the opposite.

I don't have anything pressing to do today. I mean I've got tons of little things I could get started on, but no major deadlines or stresses. I think I'm probably going to start on a grant that's going to get us a brand new $100,000 ultrasound machine. Cuz I'm good like that. I swear, I could be doing this for mega bucks for some Fortune 500 somewhere. Alas, I'm too busy saving the world.

But who's gonna save me? I ask you.

Well I can think of a couple of people right off the top of my head I wouldn't mind being saved by. *wink wink* I'm so boy crazy right now. Just call me Holly Harvey. She was the most boy crazy girl I ever knew. And come to think of it, Holly didn't always get the guy, but sometimes she did.

Well there's this one, the one for this week, that honestly, if you knew my sleeping over policy... well, he makes me wanna get rid of it all together. Even though I don't act like it all the time... I still deep down wanna. But just for this week. Yum Yum :)

Anyway, looks like it's gonna rain today and I'm gonna have to dig out my Bette for the occasion.

And tonight, it's on.

I've crossed over to the dark side.

So I take it back. And now I've been inspired. I should read more. I should have weeks like this waay more. So this is it:

here's something to think about: would you rather have a large penis that was over after 1 minute, or a small one that lasts a lot longer? he asks.

And he says I have to choose between those two. Because you know what my first response was. :)

So you ask which one I'd rather have?

I'd rather have the drummer's.

Maybe the lead's.

Or the artist's.

And definitely the writer's.

Tell them to come over. We're having a party.

Aaaaand we're back.

And this, my friends, is my new must have. I'm' glad they finally got a website!

What a day this has been. I've been a little worker bee today! I've met with a client in major distress, run some errands for work, written an entire newsletter, and figured out our new donor managment software.

I am She-Ra, Princess of Power!

Well, I'm not sure how this week is going to shape up. But I have this lingering feeling it's going to be alot better than the last one. I think tonight I'm going to go get some potting soil and some very low maintenence plants and do my flower pots tonight. The dude that was supposed to mow my lawn for the next 2 months didn't show up on Saturday. Grrr. Looks like I'm going to have to find someone new.

Anyway, tomorrow night is Movie at Maroline's night, ending with our weekly trip to the south si-eed to hear Chad and Kevin. Wednesday night is Billy Collins at OCU. *can't wait!!* Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are all up in the air at this point. But I know I will get some good lounging around outside in the spring night air in at some point. It does a body good.

And one more thing, I got a little worried this weekend listening to some of the interviews about what people thought about the Pope's death. One guy said something like he lived a wonderful life and helped millions of people through his faith and his works and now we hope God will reward him by letting him into heaven. Ummm, kids, if the Pope has even the slightest chance of not making it past those pearly gates, we're all screwed.

I'm out. Have a good one!

The prostitute, the stripper, the heroine addict, some bad poetry, a barbie doll in a fish tank, a box full of things deemed savable in case of 5 alarm fire, 6 a.m. confessionals, and a huge black cloud dissipating...

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse... they didn't. The last seven days have arguably been the most difficult seven consecutive days in recent memory. But the great thing about them... is that they're over.

It's amazing what lounging on the couch and staying up til 8 a.m. can do for ya. Sometimes you never know what's going to hit the spot...

I heart my friends. Every one of ya. More good times to come, I'm sure of it. And man, I'm ready to get the back yard prepped for great summer cook outs!

The project begins...

Another funny story:

Caroline and I attended a wedding this weekend. At the reception while people were dancing, I noticed a ruckus on the floor... a ruckus of tiny little 3 foot tall people. A four year old little girl in a sweet little pink rosebud dress had tackled the three year old ring bearer from behind and put him in a very impressive head lock. She was laughing wildly and the poor little guy's eyes were getting bigger and his face was getting red while he was trying to scream. Suddenly I heard the little girl's mother screaming, "Unlock his head! Unlock his head right this minute!" The little girl looked at her mom out of the corner of her eye and loosened her grip just long enough to give the boy a five second head start. Then she started sprinting after him again. I heard a little boy's screams over the crowd somewhere between the groom's cake and the bar.

Get him girl!

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It felt really good. :)

Introducing the long awaited Boot Removal line by Daisy Girl...



Best worn accessorized by a shot of Jager, Beer Goggles and/or Party Glasses.

Debuting April 15th, 10 p.m. Don't miss it. And be sure to pay your parking attendant.

But if you don't, that's ok too.

I rode ontop of hurricanes, I've crashed freight trains and never even broke a bone...

I was born inside a tornado
With a monkey on my back
All my years of learning
Ended up burnin' in a smoke stack
And i walked to the center of the sun
Just to laugh at the one who left me all alone

You know that's just the way I roll
Got some rebel in my soul
Let's get it on

I swam with the sharks and the gators
I shook hands with a rattle snake
Drove my mustang off of a mountain
It blew up at the bottom of a lake
And I walked away without a scratch
Just to stand here and sing my little song

Well that's just the way I roll
Got some rebel in my soul
Let's get it on...

So the Red Dog was good tonight?

Yeah, can't you tell?

You work there? Wow.

F You, Kumar's gay brother with bad highlights.

Funny story: I was so tired I was going delirious during class tonight. Somehow we ended up talking about Narrative Therapy and having to make up titles and chapter titles for the novels of our lives. I had three people on three seperate occasions look at mine and go, Man that should be a movie.

I know, I've been hearing this for the last 6 or 7 years.

My title was, Hey! Remember That One Time I Was 21 and my Parents got Divorced?... with chapter titles like, Chapter One: Mimi Told You Not To Do It. Or Chapter Seven: College Professors Make Great Lovers for Lonely Housewives. Or Chapter Nine: They Say You Can't Go Home Again: Then Why is Dad Living With Grandma?

#1 best seller. I'm telling you. You'd buy it, right?

So anyway,

BIG shout out to the hottie playing drums tonight. I have no idea who that band was or what their story is, but they have one HOT ASS DRUMMER. For reals, yo.

Today's the day, my friends. Nothing does my soul good like a little Stillwater. NOTHING. Should be interesting and drunk at the very least.

As for the locks, I'm keepin' mine. Baby likes somethin' to hold on to.

Word.